The-Tibetan-Book-of-Living-and-Dying

392 APPENDIX THREE
not that I haven't tried: I bought a whole suitcase full of pills. But I
stopped that question quite a while ago. I guess the reason I did was
because it seemed it would be manipulating and interfering with the
process that has started. This process is very cleansing for me. I
know there is a lot of karma being burned up. It's cleansing perhaps
for my mother, because I offer this for her. She suffers quite a bit.
Then there are spiritual friends in this group whom I love like brothers
and sisters; they suffer too. I have made this covenant with
Padmasambhava: If I have to stay around and suffer so that some of
it could help cleanse and purify you as well as me, what a blessing
that would be! This is my prayer. And I'm not a person who likes to
suffer, I can guarantee you that! But I feel that grace, that blessing,
pushing me gently into that suffering.
And at this point, from studying what I have studied of Rinpoche's
teachings on the bardos, death is not an enemy. Just like our thoughts
are not to be seen as enemies And life is not an enemy. Life is
something glorious, because in this life we can awaken to who we
truly are.
So I beg you—from the bottom of my heart—not to waste the
opportunity you have, while you are still relatively healthy, to work
with what Rinpoche is offering you... He knows how to get to the
point in speaking and teaching about what Dzogchen is, and he
knows how to take you there in the heart. That is so important: and
especially when you are getting ready to die.
So I'm here to say goodbye. At least for this time around ... I
want to say goodbye to all those of you who have become my
brothers and sisters, those of you whom I know but have not had
the privilege of getting to know better, those of you I have not even
met... I have a feeling that within the next six months I may die. It
could be within the next three months. So I hold you all in my heart,
and I see you all bright and shining. There is no darkness. It is just
light from Padmasambhava's heart, pervading all of us. Thanks to the
master's blessing.