Self-Esteem Research, Theory, and Practice Toward a Positive ...

76 SELF-ESTEEM RESEARCH, THEORY, AND PRACTICEof rejection, and moral self-acceptance must also include the possibilityof shame or guilt. There is so much convergence between these two independentlines of work that the results stand out as a basic finding accordingto the criteria we are using and also provide an excellent frameworkto demonstrate their worth.Acceptance versus RejectionAlthough it can vary with age, acceptance (or conversely, rejection) affectsour self-feeling through our relationships with parents or caregivers, siblings,peers, friends, spouses or partners, co-workers or colleagues, and soon throughout our lives. Of course, there are other terms to describe thissource of self-esteem. For example, Harter (1999) made the same observationbut used the term “relational self-worth” in her work. I prefer thewords “being valued” in my clinical work because that phrase describesthe significance of what goes on in an accepting relationship or positivesocial interaction and how dynamic or active that process can be. In anycase, acceptance is a source of self-esteem because it is connected to worthiness.It means that significant others value us in that fashion, whetherit takes the expression of attention, respect, or even love.It is also important to realize that there are many ways that acceptanceand rejection can be alive in relation to the development and maintenanceof self-esteem. For instance, care, nurturance, and attraction are importantfeatures of acceptance, but respect, fondness, and admiration are oftenmore common or appropriate in a professional relationship. Similarly,there are several modes of being rejected, such as being ignored, devalued,used, mistreated, or abandoned, which may negatively affect self-esteem.In all cases, we are dealing with interpersonal events concerning whetherone is valued by others. Even as adults, who has not experienced theincrease in self-esteem that comes with a new positive relationship such aslove or the decrease that usually accompanies a loss in this regard, especiallywhen it occurs through betrayal or abandonment?Virtue versus GuiltCoopersmith’s (1967) definition of virtue, which is the adherence tomoral and ethical standards, is close to Epstein’s “moral self-acceptance”and O’Brien and Epstein’s (1983, 1988) notion of “moral self-approval.”I tend to use the phrase “acting on beliefs” but I do not wish to just addterms to the field when plenty of good ones are already available. We willuse Coopersmith’s term “virtue” because it implies that there are highervalues or standards of behavior to follow to be a worthy person, ratherthan simply measuring up to some culturally relativistic code of conduct.