L E T T E R S

211myself as great as you are, and there is only you and hope that the dogma ofprogress which me join you. Since I left you I told you that I began to write toyou several times, but besides all I told you, do you know what would alwaysmake the pen fall. That was to be the first letter addressed to the family and Idid not want to show myself as I was weak, imploring above all, all yourpardon, sincerely confessing my fault and inferiority. Oh what a profoundfeeling I experienced death, which I had up till then. My love does not stop at amanifestation of the divine goodness. It extends to the infinite source of allmorality, of all wisdom, of all power. I have been too proud of my personalityand it has been humbled and I see salvation for myself only through thehierarchy. I committed a great sin. The regret with which I repent is surpassedonly by my wish to be better. And I am because I am writing to you full ofhumility, of the feeling of my inferiority before God wishing to live only forthe religious life. By sinning by my pride towards you I sinned against all ourfamily, towards God and myself. [I] who have done what I consider as a crimewhich would only produce my smile of pity, without faith. Do not refuse tofinish your work, my salvation. Reconcile me by your pardon, by a word ofyour paternal love, with you with myself, with all that is holy for me. I wouldsay then quite joyfully what I often heard Mr. Le Chevalier say ―all that isover, and all that is good‖. And the imperfections which perfect a person? willbecome in me perfect.(MSS. 8626, pp. 14, 15, 32, 31, 33, 34, 28, 35, 36, 30 , 29, 30, CRR )