L E T T E R S

439Letter Nr. 99Paris, May 12, 1836Feast of the Ascesion of Our Lord.My dearest Friends!Is it possible that you can still possess enough Christian mercy not to closeyour ears to my voice or turn your eyes away from what I write once you see thatthis letter is from me? For that is what I really deserve. Once again, through myneglect, I have put your friendship to a critical test, (by my neglect I have lost theright to your friendship) x , and once again I have gravely scandalized you...(There were many times when I sat down to write) x . It is my long-standinghabitual sin - tardiness in correspondence (in fulfilling what I recognize as a trulysacred responsibility. This is clear proof that to now, of myself, I am worthless) x .God sees that with al1 my soul I desire to correct this fault (as well as all the badhabits of the old man) x ; but I no longer have any confidence in my own efforts.Indeed, I have been thinking about you every day for the past three months.Almost every day I am at the point of writing to you. Yet, in spite of veryimportant reasons and urgent need, even after beginning a letter to you on severaloccasions, until this time I have not sent you a single word.(Therefore today) x , my brothers in Christ, I place all of my confidence inGod and in your merciful prayer for me. And so, if you want me to improve, prayfor me. I plead with you especially for this favor.The guilt for such a lengthy silence on the part of all of us here, restssolely with me. (Peter did not write to you only because I was to write to youfirst..) x I was responsible... I was to write to you. I kept telling Peter and the othersthat in my first free moment I would write... yet, to this time, I have writtennothing.None of the words, thoughts or problems, no matter, how numerous anddifficult they may be, can possibly justify me.