L E T T E R S

350Letter Nr. 63Paris, May 25, 1838My dearest Joseph,My brother forever in Christ the Lord! What did you write in your lastletter to Edward: that, if I think of you worthy, I would surely write to you? It is I,my dear friend... I who am unworthy that you should receive a letter from me… I,who caused you so much anguish by my silence, even causing you to judge that Ihad forgotten about you!0 no, no! God sees that I keep you faithfully in my heart and that I loveyou most sincerely. And, in our prayers for our brothers who are far from u - aprayer we continue to say each day from the time when you were with us - youare the first who comes to my mind. Let me assure you that my heart has notchanged toward you; rather, and perhaps especially, because I stand indebted toyou for such a lengthy silence and because I put our friendship to such a great test,that friendship continues, in spite of the fact that I have not seen you for so long,and grows stronger by virtue of a lengthier and more profound experience of theworld and of people. Remembering the closeness of our relationship, my heart,my friendship, my Christian brotherly love for you grows all the more intense.Nevertheless, it was not you alone... I wasn’t writing to anyone! I continueto be oppressed by an old sin - I am very lethargic when it comes to writing. Inyour letter you once touched on some of the reasons for this: I allow myself to beoverwhelmed by the problems and the circumstances that surround me, and towhich I am subject. This is true; but the ultimate reason goes even deeper. I feelthat I am not living as I should... I am not the person I should be. This is thereason for my inertia, and for my hesitancy to present in my letters, throughstereo-typed words, my own unworthy person.I could go on about this! Thank God, I am coming to see my needs evermore clearly, and I am becoming more and more convinced that there in just noway that I can divide myself between God and the world. In this respect, I have