L E T T E R S

421as a friend and as a Christian, but even as what they call a man of honor. Icommitted a most disgraceful act of negligence that concerns you. Mr. Benoistecame to Paris toward the end of December. I met with him in the beginning ofJanuary, and found him to be a most respectable person, a very worthy person onall counts. I should have written to you immediately. Yet, how awful, for such along time I neglected to fulfill this holy obligation, which was also a true andprofound need of my heart. I have no excuse to cover my fault.True, this was a time, first of preparations and exertions to establish ourhouse; then, arragements to furnish it, therefore, constant occupation. Besides,there were dutties concerned with providing a source of income, of bread, aswell as spiritual duties involving people... work, constantly, from morning untillate at night... Head and heart filled with hopes, sufferings, pressing labors.True, I regarded a letter to you as a special occasion, because there weremany things I wanted to say to you. Therefore, I was waiting for a free moment,when my mind would be free to write to you. And, while I continued to rememberthis responsibility, I also kept putting it off from day to day. I can honestly saythat this is all true. But it is also true that in this time I could have written not one,but several letters, if I were something better.It was a very serious fault on my part, greater even because I must admitthat it is the result, by way of punishment,, of another even greater fault! I haveconfessed both of these faults in confession as serious sins, and obtainedabsolution on the condition that I improve. I am confessing to you. Would that Icould find mercy from you as well!In the days that followed my visit with Mr. Benoiste, and my promise towrite to you, persons who were aware of your interest (Caesar Plater, Mickiewicz,Ziomecki) kept asking me whether I had already written to you? Since I really hadthe intention of writing to you as soon as possible, to avoid this constantquestioning, I once replied: I have already written. And, having lied once, pressedby the questions, I repeated the lie.Such a base fault merited a severe penalty. In the course of more than threemonths, I thought each day of writing to you, and frequently prayed for you; yet,