L E T T E R S

563Letter Nr. 138[To E. Duński]Solesmes, December 15, 1837Thanks and praise to the all-merciful God that, in spite of so many worries,your spirit is not diminished, and that you strengthen and rescue me by your livingfaith and hope. No, my dear Edward, I am not representing the situation to myselfas rosier than it actually is, on the contrary, I may be representing it as far worsethan it is as the principal culprit, fully aware of the greatness of his guilt.Everything that you wrote in your last letter, I expected and immediately after mydeparture.I have not delayed my return now because I think that our financialsituation is not very bad at present, or that it doesn’t require an early solution. Youshould know that there is one thing, the most important thing right now, that Ihaven’t explained to you yet.I want to do this now, n.b. this explanation and this whole part of the letteris meant only for you. Where will we get the means to pay off our debts? Godknows the humility, sadness and sorrow with which I accuse myself before Himof the lack of order and prudence in household economy... how strong andexceedingly solemn are the purposes of amendment I make... to live as God hascommanded, maintaining the strictest order in financial affairs.Thoughts of ways to introduce this reform into practice occupy me todayand every day. And, thank God, all of my plans have a higher sanction than merecalculation according to earthly prudence... For the most, part God sends these tome in time of prayer. By His help I hope, and feel empowered to begin a new,Christian, life in the future; but now to allay the evil consequences of an evil past?That’s the difficulty!I regard this as the truest and, without doubt, not sufficiently severepunishment for my sins. I submit tothese consequences, agreeing to bear them