L E T T E R S

528effectively that I have already written a dozen or more lines, I do not plan to riseor stop, until, with God’s help, I finish this letter and take it immediately to postoffice.First, and most important, from my present condition and the examinationof my life over a period of time as well as my future obligations, it is evident thatI am faced with an invincible need to embark upon a stricter spiritual life. Whyshould I fool myself? In spite of our thoughts, intentions and religious practices,in our habits and manners we remain slaves of the paganized world. Therefore,our greatest responsibility is to throw off this yoke of bondage.If I look at the way I have lived and am living, I see that I am constantlyopen to failure in sentiments of humility, pure love for God and neighbor, and thedetachment of my heart from all temporal goods. Therefore, I should not live thisway any longer. I want to begin to live my life on a higher Christian note, clearlyat war with the world, the flesh and the devil. In the ages of piety, when all socialeducation and numerous institutions strove to form and perfect Christian morals, itwas easier.Having spent my whole youth on worldly illusions and errors, today, as aChristian, I feel a constant need and duty, to pass through the school of Christianlife, to strengthen myself in truth and train myself in its practice, without anyregard for human respect. After my conversion, undoubtedly with the best ofintentions, but perhaps less prudently, I threw myself into the work of teaching,converting others. Yet, now I see that I myself need schooling in the Christianlife. What we have been doing until now has been too worldly. There is a need toremove ourselves far from this world, and go straight to God.My dearest brother in Christ the Lord! Perhaps what I write will seemunintelligible, strange and unexpected to you, M. Caesar. I have practically lostthe gift of speech at this time, and cannot clearly and properly set dawn andexpress this one great the feeling that comes over me. In my mind, this resolutionis supported by very weighty, somewhat philosophical reasons. But, it would taketoo long to discuss these and that leaves only the heart. In the long run, these arethings you do and not write about before-hand. (Writing about them before-hand,