L E T T E R S

529even if so obscurely, I already expose myself and the plans, on which at presentmy whole love is focused, to danger).In all these matters I have set myself an ultimatum: Return to Paris. Then,leave it as soon as possible and proceed, not to another town, but to someprimitive village close to a monastery and remain there for a length of time inprayer, fasting, mortification, hard work and the study of spiritual matters, untilGod calls me somewhere else. I am convinced that I would not in the least beabandoning what we have tried to do until now. In fact, I would be contributingmost effectively to that work.Otherwise, remaining in my present state, I would be exposing myself toruin and others to futility. My dear M. Caesar! You are the first one to whom I amrevealing my plans. I reveal them under the seal of confessional secrecy, placingupon your conscience the obligation of absolute secrecy. I beg and entreat you notto show this letter to anyone or, God forbid, mention it to anyone in Paris.Although this life plan calls for removing oneself from the worldcompletely and for total dedication to spiritual exercises, I would like to do this, atleast I myself. Undoubtedly, some of the brothers would like to accompany me. Itthat case, we would reach a suitable agreement among ourselves and accept a veryrigorous rule. Nevertheless, I would like to see some form of community continuein Paris and I would not leave without making sure provision for this. I think thatTerlecki will be very helpful to me in this regard. Before establishing this newfoundation. I would also realize (if our means permit) some kind of center for ourpeople outside Paris. I am counting primarily on Charles Królikowski to accoplishthis.There’s no way out of it! When the Lord calls and prepares the way, it isdifficult to resist his graces! I am hoping that the disturbances that have plaguedme most in the recent past will come to an end this year and that this verymiserable and dangerous sort of life, half spiritual and half worldly, will alsocease.O God, in your mercy, do not abandon me, either in my determination toserve you, or in that surer, straighter and more perfect way to which you call me.