L E T T E R S

466work is wage-earning. God is my witness that I have not been wasting time (I trustthat in time you will see this too).I add only two things: First, the solemn promise to bring prudence andorder to my financial affairs. Until now, they could not be there. I wasn’t eventhinking about them; I could not think about them, because I was thinking aboutsomething else. With these other matters settled, I can finally think about them,and I intend to do so. Remember ―old man‖ the follies of your life when you werethirty (true, they never led you to financial servitude, for you have a special gift inthis regard, all gifts are not given to everyone). I have just finished my thirtiethyear. Therefore, forgive the consequences of my follies! I have promisedamendment, prudence and order. Secondly, although I find myself in dire need atthe present time. If I can see it through with your help, I will dedicate my entireenergy to projects and undertakings which, if successful, should completelyrescue me from financial difficulties. I am confident that I will be able to repaythe debt I incur with you. I regard this as an obligation in conscience, for you havea wife and children. Immersed in my financial difficulties, in my last letter Iforgot to write to you about a second important matter: my wife. You ask me whyI am thinking about a divorce? You ask for a clear explanation. I am not, and Icannot be fully decided on a divorce. I wrote this on the simple presumption thatshe needs this. I have had no news of her for the past three years. According to mylast information, not all clear and very general, her life had taken a bad turn, andshe was living as a prostitute. Why I need, first of all, is specific, not unqualifiedinformation.Not having the gift of celibacy, and unable to subjugate the fleshcompletely; yet possessing definite and holy obligations toward her, and wishingto put an end to all the disorder in my life, (because, when I married her I wantedto do well by her: I choose her, I am solemnly bound to her, she bears my name, Icontinue to regard her with kind affection) x . I am prepared to forgive her everyweakness, and every impropriety, no matter how glaring. (How many similar acts