THE DHAMMAPADA: THE WAY OF THE BUDDHA, VOL. 9-12 The ...

340 THE DHAMMAPADA: THE WAY OF THE BUDDHA, VOL. 9-12
to live in it. And you cannot get out of it because you have become so accustomed to it. Hence the confusion.
Confusion simply means you are unable to decide.
Unless you become decisive, Asang, the confusion will go on growing. My work consists in creating confusion in
you, because without creating confusion I cannot pull you out of your sandcastles, I cannot pull you out of your
paper boats, I cannot pull you out of your lies and dreams. And I know perfectly well that when you have put so
much investment in a certain belief maybe you have lived for thirty years, forty years in a certain belief to see
now that it was wrong, that it was utterly stupid, that it was ridiculous, creates a great problem for you. Your
self-image of being intelligent is shattered. For forty years you have carried something ridiculous without seeing
it. What kind of intelligence do you have? You become suspicious of your own intelligence and that doesn’t feel
good.
That’s why to be with a master needs courage. To be with a master needs the courage to accept that ”I don’t
know.”
The moment you accept, Asang, that ”I don’t know,” all confusion will disappear, evaporate, simply evaporate
just as dewdrops evaporate in the early morning sun leaving no trace behind them. The confusion is because
you are clinging to a few things which in the past you thought were very valuable. You thought that they were
ornaments, golden, studded with diamonds, and now I have made you aware that they are nothing but chains
maybe golden chains and maybe studded with diamonds, but what are diamonds? they are also stones. And
what is gold? The difference exists only in man’s mind, otherwise gold and iron are the same. The evaluation is
ours, the projection is ours. But chains are chains and the chains have to be broken. Now the things you have
believed were ornaments, decorations, are being shown to you persistently as nothing but chains.
Either you will have to escape from me... but remember, escaping won’t help you. Once you have been on my
surgical table it is better to go through the whole operation! If you escape in the middle of the operation you will
remain confused your whole life, because whatsoever you have understood from me is not going to leave you, it
will haunt you. So there is no escape from me.
Once you are with me you have to learn the ways of transformation, you have to go through a radical change.
You have to die to the past and be born anew. It is hard, it is painful. Every birth is painful, and spiritual birth
particularly is very painful. There are no sedatives available. For spiritual birth one has to go through many
pains, but those pains are worth it because you grow out of your imprisonments; you grow into freedom, you grow
up.
And once you have tasted the joy of growing up, of becoming mature, then there is no problem. Then you
know that all that you have left behind was worthless, was rubbish.
But, Asang, this moment has to be passed through. This critical moment has to come in every disciple’s life
when the disciple is in a kind of limbo, neither here nor there, half in the past and half moving with me, many
times thinking to escape.
Just the other day Somendra asked a question: ”But, Beloved Master, where is the exit?” There is no exit here!
It is one-way traffic. You only come in... we don’t have another door, only the entrance. Then you have to be
reborn; that is the only exit. But the exit is not in escape, it is in ”inscape.” It is going inwards.
Asang, I am taking as much care as you can tolerate at this moment! I will take more.... The medicine is
bitter and it has to be given in small doses. And this is not homeopathic treatment, remember, this is pure
allopathy it is pure poison! It is crucifixion, because only then is there resurrection. But that too takes three
days. Between the crucifixion and the resurrection... three days. Remember those three days; they are significant,
very significant. Those three days are the most difficult days.
Just think of Jesus: three days in the cave, neither dead nor alive. He couldn’t have been completely dead
because once you are completely dead you are gone. He was not completely alive either; otherwise he would not
have remained for three days in the cave, he would have escaped sooner. He must have been hanging between
these two polarities of birth and death.
Those three days are significant, they are symbolic. Those three days represent body, mind, heart. You have
to die in the body, in the mind, in the heart; then only can you be born as a soul. You have to pass through this
dark night of the soul. This is the womb period, those nine months in the mother’s womb. In exactly the same
way, the disciple has to be in the womb of the master. This buddhafield is nothing but a womb. You are in the
womb. It depends on you: if you go on clinging too long it will take a long time for you to come out.
In India we have many beautiful stories about Lucknow. Lucknow is the most mannerly city in India, very
mannerly; too much in fact, so it is said. Once it happened, a woman got pregnant and she was carrying two
children within her womb, and they wouldn’t come out. Nine months passed, then nine years passed, then ninety
years passed....