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THE DHAMMAPADA: THE WAY OF THE BUDDHA, VOL. 9-12 The ...

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<strong>THE</strong> <strong>DHAMMAPADA</strong>: <strong>THE</strong> <strong>WAY</strong> <strong>OF</strong> <strong>THE</strong> <strong>BUDDHA</strong>, <strong>VOL</strong>. 9-<strong>12</strong> 377<br />

<strong>The</strong> fifth question:<br />

Question 5<br />

BELOVED MASTER, WHAT IS <strong>THE</strong> DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING MAD AND BEING ENLIGHT-<br />

ENED?<br />

Deva Sadyo, not much. <strong>The</strong> only difference is that the enlightened person knows that he is mad and the<br />

madman does not know that he is mad.<br />

<strong>The</strong> sixth question:<br />

Question 6<br />

BELOVED MASTER, IF ITALIANS ARE ”WOMEN,” BRITISH ARE ”LADIES” AND GERMANS ARE<br />

”FEMALES,” WHAT ABOUT SOUTH AMERICAN WITCHES? CAN YOU MAKE SOME COMMENT ABOUT<br />

<strong>THE</strong>M?<br />

Deva Samya, they are amazons.<br />

<strong>The</strong> seventh question:<br />

Question 7<br />

BELOVED MASTER, I AM LEAVING TOMORROW FOR FRANCE. PLEASE TELL ME A JOKE TO<br />

MAKE <strong>THE</strong> FRENCHIES LAUGH.<br />

Toshen, an agitated Frenchman came into a Paris bistro and told the waiter to bring him a triple shot of cognac.<br />

He downed the huge drink in one gulp and asked for another.<br />

<strong>The</strong> waiter brought it and asked, ”What’s the matter, monsieur? Did your wife catch you making love to the<br />

maid?”<br />

”No,” he sighed. ”<strong>The</strong> maid caught me in bed with my wife!”<br />

<strong>The</strong> eighth question:<br />

Question 8<br />

BELOVED MASTER, WHY DOES <strong>THE</strong> <strong>BUDDHA</strong> AL<strong>WAY</strong>S SAY: BE A LIGHT UNTO YOURSELF?<br />

Paritosho, simple. Buddha says: Be a light unto yourself, because you cannot trust Indian electricity.<br />

In fact, you cannot trust anything made in India.<br />

What is the difference between an American computer and an Indian one?<br />

<strong>The</strong> American computer has a memory; the Indian one has a vague remembrance.<br />

How many Polacks does it take to put in a light bulb?<br />

Four one to hold the bulb and three to spin him around.<br />

How many Jews does it take to put in a light bulb?<br />

Three one to put it in and two to supervise.<br />

How many Californians does it take to put in a light bulb?<br />

Four one to put it in and three to share the experience.<br />

How many Italians does it take to put in a light bulb?<br />

About sixteen one to give the orders, one to handle the money, one to get the bulb, one to tell the rickshaw<br />

driver where to go, one to clean up the broken glass, one to translate, three to carry the ladder, one to check the<br />

switch, one to shoo away the beggars, four to entertain you while you wait two or three minutes, two or three<br />

minutes, two or three minutes... etcetera.<br />

And how many Indians it takes to change a light bulb?<br />

Two hundred one to hold the bulb... and one hundred and ninety-nine to turn the house around!<br />

And the last question:<br />

Question 9<br />

BELOVED MASTER, IN A PREVIOUS LIFE YOU MUST HAVE BEEN AN ITALIAN. COULD YOU SAY<br />

SOMETHING ABOUT THAT EXPERIENCE?<br />

Satyen, I am not a Californian, so I cannot share the experience with you. But I will tell you a few jokes....<br />

”I find it hard to believe that you murdered that crippled old man for fifty cents,” the outraged judge told the<br />

Italian mugger.<br />

<strong>The</strong> Italian shrugged. ”Fifty cents here, fifty cents there it adds up.”<br />

Martinelli always takes his superugly wife along with him when he goes away on business.<br />

He explains, ”It’s easier to take her along than to kiss her good-bye.”<br />

Maria was complaining to her neighbor, Donna Arminda, ”<strong>The</strong>se pains drive me crazy. Every night it’s the<br />

same thing. If I turn right, the pain attacks the liver; if I turn left, it attacks my heart. It’s really hell!”<br />

”But why don’t you sleep on your belly?” asked the neighbor.<br />

”On my belly? If I sleep on my belly, Roberto attacks me!”

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