THE DHAMMAPADA: THE WAY OF THE BUDDHA, VOL. 9-12 The ...

360 THE DHAMMAPADA: THE WAY OF THE BUDDHA, VOL. 9-12
What more can you expect from a man who is fast asleep and drunk? But he was doing his best at least he
was trying to make love.... Missing the target, that is another thing.
The sixth question:
Question 6
BELOVED MASTER, WHAT IS A FATHER?
Anand Sugeet, a father is a Catholic priest who is neither a husband nor a father; but Catholics are well known
to do such strange things. Why they call their priests ”father” is really strange. Pope also means ”father”; it is
another form of ”papa.”
Father Francesco and Father Viggiani were sitting in a grotto chatting.
”Do you think the pope will ever allow priests to marry?” asked Father Francesco.
”It won’t happen in our time,” replied Father Viggiani. ”Maybe in our children’s.”
The seventh question:
Question 7
BELOVED MASTER, CAN I ALSO BECOME THE PRESIDENT OF AMERICA?
My God, Tom! I believe you must be the same Tom Tom the Tourist! Now great things are happening to
you! Reading your question for the first time I understood the meaning of the word ’tomfoolery’. I had always
wondered, why this word ’tomfoolery’? Now I know.
Yes, you can be the president, only I think President Tom won’t look right. Change your name to Banana,
Tomato, Potato. Mr. Potato the President what pure poetry! And I think you have the required qualifications
for it. The first thing is, you have to be stupid.
You have seen what Jimmy Carter did just two days ago? When Vivek told Asheesh, Asheesh thought it was
a joke... because our orange people don’t read newspapers. Who cares about all this nonsense? But what he has
done is so stupid one cannot believe it. They must have sent their best people for this rescue mission, and what
happened is really just great, far out! The two American planes crashed into each other and eight persons died
and the rescue mission was canceled. Now the whole world is laughing!
But this is bound to happen when you make a peanut grower a president this is bound to happen. What else
can he do? His whole life he was growing peanuts, now he has grown up and become a nut himself!
So the first requirement is: you have to be stupid. If you are not, at least pretend to be. That’s what Nixon
was trying to do; he was not that stupid, but he pretended long enough. But finally the Americans found out that
he was not that stupid; they threw him out immediately. So don’t be caught continue doing something stupid.
If you are caught, the same fate awaits you. Be like Ford, just pure stupidity, unadulterated!
The second requirement... that I have been trying to find for you. I have been doing great research since your
question! The second requirement is: you need an ugly wife. This is something strange. Nixon, Ford, Carter,
they have such ugly ducklings. It is strange, it cannot be coincidental. Only Kennedy had a beautiful wife, and
they killed him, remember. So avoid!
Now Reagan has every chance, because just the other day, I was looking at his wife’s photograph. I said, ”This
man seems to have every possibility. Now he can defeat anyone as far as his wife is concerned he can defeat Nixon,
Ford, Carter, all.” And they are sitting together on a sofa and the caption reads, ”Reagan is being charged by his
wife.” I was simply wondering... this woman can discharge anybody! If you have such a wife you will renounce
the world immediately! And Reagan is being charged by his wife....
So these two things I have found stupidity and an ugly wife. And change your name: become Reverend Banana,
Reverend Tomato, Reverend Potato anything will do. Tom does not look good, it is too ordinary; you need a
special name, and then you can become the president. And you have toured enough now go back home. This is
the time! Carter is losing ground every day, don’t miss this opportunity. Get married to an ugly woman, pretend
to be stupid. Learn to laugh for no reason, no rhyme. Just exercise your lips, keep them open as much as possible.
And I think you have every possibility, as any other American has. Don’t waste your time here anymore, because
you don’t belong here. This is not the place. We don’t prepare people to become presidents and prime ministers.
The last question:
Question 8
BELOVED MASTER, BUDDHA SAYS, ”THE MASTER GIVES UP MISCHIEF.” BUT AS I KNOW YOU,
YOU ARE PAR EXCELLENCE MASTER OF MISCHIEF! HAVE YOU SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT?
Dharma Bodhi, do you think I need to say something about it? But Buddha had no knowledge about me.
When he said that, I was not included in it. When I make sutras, then you will see!
Enough for today.
The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol. 12