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35053668-Empire-of-the-Soul-Paul-William-Roberts

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‘WE SHOULD SHARE OUR SEX ENERGIES’<br />

‘Too much far.’<br />

‘We’ll hitch a lift.’<br />

I don’t think he understood <strong>the</strong> expression.<br />

Just <strong>the</strong>n I noticed <strong>the</strong> most terrifying vehicle <strong>of</strong> all <strong>the</strong> terrifying<br />

vehicles on Indian roads: a public carrier. Camouflaged in a riot <strong>of</strong><br />

painted gods and floral patterns, its cabin festooned with charms,<br />

garlands, and shimmering tinsel ropes, and crammed with wildeyed<br />

men in torn undershirts and tea-towel bandannas, chrome<br />

everywhere, more beedie-smoking lunatics clinging to its ro<strong>of</strong>, or<br />

on <strong>the</strong> hundred tons <strong>of</strong> boulders haphazardly stacked behind, this<br />

was a hooting, lurching catastrophe on twelve wheels – and it was<br />

travelling a hundred miles an hour straight at us. Since our car now<br />

blocked <strong>the</strong> road, this confrontation would be interesting. Public<br />

carrier drivers operate in a hypnotic trance, programmed to do one<br />

thing and one thing only: drive. Their reactions are nonexistent which<br />

is why so many public carriers litter <strong>the</strong> ditches <strong>of</strong> Indian highways<br />

after having lost arguments with trees or each o<strong>the</strong>r. This particular<br />

stretch <strong>of</strong> road – like most across India – was basically one lane, with<br />

room for two vehicles to pass if each moved two wheels over onto<br />

<strong>the</strong> gravel shoulder. There was no room for this thundering juggernaut<br />

to pass. If anything, it accelerated, <strong>the</strong> air horn blasting to announce<br />

its presence.<br />

‘These lorry mens too much bad drivers,’ remarked our fine<br />

chauffeur, looking sheepish all <strong>of</strong> a sudden.<br />

I told David and Es<strong>the</strong>r <strong>the</strong>y’d better get out fast. They retreated<br />

to a safe distance, where Es<strong>the</strong>r resumed her recitation <strong>of</strong> David’s<br />

shortcomings as man and husband.<br />

I ran ahead, waving <strong>the</strong> carrier down. The air horn continued to<br />

blare steadily, dust flying up all around, as <strong>the</strong> huge image <strong>of</strong> a<br />

gnashing metal death lurched all over <strong>the</strong> road. Now ano<strong>the</strong>r horn<br />

– sounding more like something from a clown’s pocket – joined in.<br />

Poop! Poop! I thought <strong>of</strong> Toad <strong>of</strong> Toad Hall. Poop-poop!<br />

‘I don’t think <strong>the</strong>y’ve seen us. What do you think?’ I asked <strong>the</strong><br />

driver. He shook his head in horror, wringing his oily hands and<br />

hopping from foot to foot. I started jumping up and down, tearing<br />

<strong>of</strong>f my shirt and waving it. The carrier was now a mere hundred<br />

yards <strong>of</strong>f, still honking atonally. I was about to throw myself into a<br />

137

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