(Bk Business) Carol Kinsey Goman Ph.D.-The Nonverbal Advantage_ Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work -Berrett-Koehler Publishers (2008)

134 The Nonverbal Advantage
To Touch or Not to Touch—
That Is the Question
Bill is the head of marketing for a telecommunications company—and
a natural toucher. As such, he utilizes an interesting
and effective (but not uncommon) communication
technique. When he speaks he touches the listener (almost
always on the forearm) to add emphasis to key parts of his
statements. Touching ensures that, for a moment, he has
someone’s full attention. Because touch is used most often
when we believe strongly in something (a liar rarely touches
the person he is talking to), Bill’s touching also subconsciously
enhances his credibility.
But in Anglo-Saxon cultures, especially the United States
and the United Kingdom, touching colleagues is far less common
than in some other parts of the world. In our sensitivity
to political correctness, we may have lost a potent way to
connect with others. Sometimes the simple act of touching
someone to show support, encouragement, agreement, sympathy,
or gratitude adds the personal warmth to our communication
that is otherwise lacking.
I was reminded of this when I was coaching Suzanne.
Suzanne was the leader of an information technology department—a
brilliant “techie,” struggling to develop better interpersonal
communication skills. After watching Suzanne in
one-on-one conversations with various business managers—
and seeing the dismissive way most of the managers treated
her—I was wondering how to help her command their attention.
And then I saw it: In one conversation Suzanne was so
intent on what she was saying that she leaned forward and
touched her colleague’s arm. What a difference that single
touch made! The manager looked up at Suzanne as though
seeing her for the first time. And, more importantly, he began
to really listen to what she was saying.