Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 112 — out laugh<strong>in</strong>g. I could not see anyth<strong>in</strong>g to laugh at, and I told George so, and he only laughed the more. I never saw a man laugh so much. I quite lost my temper with him at last, and I po<strong>in</strong>ted out to him what a drivell<strong>in</strong>g maniac of an imbecile idiot he was; but he only roared the louder. And then, just as I was land<strong>in</strong>g the shirt, I noticed that it was not my shirt at all, but George’s, which I had mistaken for m<strong>in</strong>e; whereupon the humour of the th<strong>in</strong>g struck me for the first time, and I began to laugh. And the more I looked from George’s wet shirt to George, roar<strong>in</strong>g with laughter, the more I was amused, and I laughed so much that I had to let the shirt fall back <strong>in</strong>to the water aga<strong>in</strong>. “Ar’n’t you — you — go<strong>in</strong>g to get it out?” said George, between his shrieks. I could not answer him at all for a while, I was laugh<strong>in</strong>g so, but, at last, between my peals I managed to jerk out: “It isn’t my shirt — it’s yours!” I never saw a man’s face change from lively to severe so suddenly <strong>in</strong> all my life before. “What!” he yelled, spr<strong>in</strong>g<strong>in</strong>g up. “You silly cuckoo! Why can’t you be more careful what you’re do<strong>in</strong>g? Why the deuce don’t you go and dress on the bank? You’re not fit to be <strong>in</strong> a boat, you’re not. Gimme the hitcher.” I tried to make him see the fun of the th<strong>in</strong>g, but he could not. George is very dense at see<strong>in</strong>g a joke sometimes. Harris proposed that we should have scrambled eggs for breakfast. He said he would cook them. It seemed, from his account, that he was very good at do<strong>in</strong>g scrambled eggs. He often did them at picnics and when out on yachts. He was quite famous for them. People who had once tasted his scrambled eggs, so we gathered from his conversation, never cared for any other food afterwards, but p<strong>in</strong>ed away and died when they could not get them. It made our mouths water to hear him talk about the th<strong>in</strong>gs, and we handed him out the stove and the fry<strong>in</strong>g-pan and all
— 113 — the eggs that had not smashed and gone over everyth<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the hamper, and begged him to beg<strong>in</strong>. He had some trouble <strong>in</strong> break<strong>in</strong>g the eggs — or rather not so much trouble <strong>in</strong> break<strong>in</strong>g them exactly as <strong>in</strong> gett<strong>in</strong>g them <strong>in</strong>to the fry<strong>in</strong>g-pan when broken, and keep<strong>in</strong>g them off his trousers, and prevent<strong>in</strong>g them from runn<strong>in</strong>g up his sleeve; but he fixed some half-a-dozen <strong>in</strong>to the pan at last, and then squatted down by the side of the stove and chivied them about with a fork. It seemed harass<strong>in</strong>g work, so far as George and I could judge. Whenever he went near the pan he burned himself, and then he would drop everyth<strong>in</strong>g and dance round the stove, flick<strong>in</strong>g his f<strong>in</strong>gers about and curs<strong>in</strong>g the th<strong>in</strong>gs. Indeed, every time George and I looked round at him he was sure to be perform<strong>in</strong>g this feat. We thought at first that it was a necessary part of the cul<strong>in</strong>ary arrangements. We did not know what scrambled eggs were, and we fancied that it must be some Red Indian or Sandwich Islands sort of dish that required dances and <strong>in</strong>cantations for its proper cook<strong>in</strong>g. Montmorency went and put his nose over it once, and the fat spluttered up and scalded him, and then he began danc<strong>in</strong>g and curs<strong>in</strong>g. Altogether it was one of the most <strong>in</strong>terest<strong>in</strong>g and excit<strong>in</strong>g operations I have ever witnessed. George and I were both quite sorry when it was over. The result was not altogether the success that Harris had anticipated. There seemed so little to show for the bus<strong>in</strong>ess. Six eggs had gone <strong>in</strong>to the fry<strong>in</strong>g-pan, and all that came out was a teaspoonful of burnt and unappetiz<strong>in</strong>g look<strong>in</strong>g mess. Harris said it was the fault of the fry<strong>in</strong>g-pan, and thought it would have gone better if we had had a fish-kettle and a gasstove; and we decided not to attempt the dish aga<strong>in</strong> until we had those aids to housekeep<strong>in</strong>g by us. The sun had got more powerful by the time we had f<strong>in</strong>ished breakfast, and the w<strong>in</strong>d had dropped, and it was as lovely a morn<strong>in</strong>g as one could desire. Little was <strong>in</strong> sight to rem<strong>in</strong>d us of the n<strong>in</strong>eteenth century; and, as we looked out upon the river
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62: — 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64: — 63 — on until, at last, they
Page 65 and 66: — 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
Page 67 and 68: — 67 — worn in
Page 69 and 70: — 69 — down on your — I mean
Page 71 and 72: — 71 — about, makin</st
Page 73 and 74: — 73 — of the river, and was ev
Page 75 and 76: — 75 — by slouchin</str
Page 77 and 78: — 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80: — 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
Page 81 and 82: — 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84: — 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86: — 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88: — 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90: — 89 — or his hat has dropped <
Page 91 and 92: — 91 — did it, and the boat rus
Page 93 and 94: — 93 — twenty min</stro
Page 95 and 96: — 95 — tion; and then we both w
Page 97 and 98: — 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
Page 99 and 100: — 99 — at Harris, began to stru
Page 101 and 102: — 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104: — 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106: — 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
Page 107 and 108: — 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110: — 109 — George listened, and a
Page 111: — 111 — ing ba
Page 115 and 116: — 115 — and there false John’
Page 117 and 118: — 117 — it been a Richard there
Page 119 and 120: — 119 — drawin
Page 121 and 122: — 121 — King
Page 123 and 124: — 123 — But Harris, who is an o
Page 125 and 126: — 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128: — 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130: — 129 — three fishermen sat; an
Page 131 and 132: — 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
Page 133 and 134: — 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136: — 135 — among themselves, and f
Page 137 and 138: — 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140: — 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142: — 141 — We tried river water on
Page 143 and 144: — 143 — scendin</strong
Page 145 and 146: — 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148: — 147 — which he evidently wish
Page 149 and 150: — 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152: — 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154: — 153 — We could not pass the w
Page 155 and 156: — 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158: — 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160: — 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162: — 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164:
— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
Page 167 and 168:
— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172:
— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196:
— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247:
— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253:
— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267:
— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285:
— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293:
— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311:
— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313:
— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327:
— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329:
— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333:
— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345:
— 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347:
— 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349:
— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351:
— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359:
— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371:
— 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373:
— 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375:
— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385:
— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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