Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Miss Jones, of Manchester — The benefits of cocoa — A h<strong>in</strong>t to the Peace Society — The w<strong>in</strong>dow as a mediaeval argument — The favourite Christian recreation — The language of the guide — How to repair the ravages of time — George tries a bottle — The fate of the German beer dr<strong>in</strong>ker — Harris and I resolve to do a good action — The usual sort of statue — Harris and his friends — A pepperless Paradise — Women and towns. WE were on our way to Prague, and were wait<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the great hall of the Dresden Station until such time as the powersthat-be should permit us on to the platform. George, who had wandered to the bookstall, returned to us with a wild look <strong>in</strong> his eyes. He said: “I’ve seen it.” I said, “Seen what?” He was too excited to answer <strong>in</strong>telligently. He said “It’s here. It’s com<strong>in</strong>g this way, both of them. If you wait, you’ll see it for yourselves. I’m not jok<strong>in</strong>g; it’s the real th<strong>in</strong>g.” As is usual about this period, some paragraphs, more or less serious, had been appear<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the papers concern<strong>in</strong>g the seaserpent, and I thought for the moment he must be referr<strong>in</strong>g to this. A moment’s reflection, however, told me that here, <strong>in</strong> the middle of Europe, three hundred miles from the coast, such a th<strong>in</strong>g was impossible. Before I could question him further, he seized me by the arm. “Look!” he said; “now am I exaggerat<strong>in</strong>g?” I turned my head and saw what, I suppose, few liv<strong>in</strong>g Englishmen have ever seen before — the travell<strong>in</strong>g Britisher accord<strong>in</strong>g to the Cont<strong>in</strong>ental idea, accompanied by his daughter. They were com<strong>in</strong>g towards us <strong>in</strong> the flesh and blood, unless we were dream<strong>in</strong>g, alive and concrete — the English “Milor” and the English “Mees,” as for generations they have been portrayed <strong>in</strong> the Cont<strong>in</strong>ental comic press and upon the Cont<strong>in</strong>ental stage. They were perfect <strong>in</strong> every detail. The man was tall and th<strong>in</strong>, with sandy hair, a huge nose, and long Dundreary whiskers. Over a pepper-and-salt suit he wore a light overcoat,
— 297 — reach<strong>in</strong>g almost to his heels. His white helmet was ornamented with a green veil; a pair of opera-glasses hung at his side, and <strong>in</strong> his lavender-gloved hand he carried an alpenstock a little taller than himself. His daughter was long and angular. Her dress I cannot describe: my grandfather, poor gentleman, might have been able to do so; it would have been more familiar to him. I can only say that it appeared to me unnecessarily short, exhibit<strong>in</strong>g a pair of ankles — if I may be permitted to refer to such po<strong>in</strong>ts — that, from an artistic po<strong>in</strong>t of view, called rather for concealment. Her hat made me th<strong>in</strong>k of Mrs. Hemans; but why I cannot expla<strong>in</strong>. She wore side-spr<strong>in</strong>g boots — “prunella,” I believe, used to be the trade name — mittens, and p<strong>in</strong>ce-nez. She also carried an alpenstock (there is not a mounta<strong>in</strong> with<strong>in</strong> a hundred miles of Dresden) and a black bag strapped to her waist. Her teeth stuck out like a rabbit’s, and her figure was that of a bolster on stilts. Harris rushed for his camera, and of course could not f<strong>in</strong>d it; he never can when he wants it. Whenever we see Harris scuttl<strong>in</strong>g up and down like a lost dog, shout<strong>in</strong>g, “Where’s my camera? What the dickens have I done with my camera? Don’t either of you remember where I put my camera?” — then we know that for the first time that day he has come across someth<strong>in</strong>g worth photograph<strong>in</strong>g. Later on, he remembered it was <strong>in</strong> his bag; that is where it would be on an occasion like this. They were not content with appearance; they acted the th<strong>in</strong>g to the letter. They walked gap<strong>in</strong>g round them at every step. The gentleman had an open Baedeker <strong>in</strong> his hand, and the lady carried a phrase book. They talked French that nobody could understand, and German that they could not translate themselves! The man poked at officials with his alpenstock to attract their attention, and the lady, her eye catch<strong>in</strong>g sight of an advertisement of somebody’s cocoa, said “Shock<strong>in</strong>g!” and turned the other way. Really, there was some excuse for her. One notices, even <strong>in</strong> England, the home of the proprieties, that the lady who dr<strong>in</strong>ks cocoa appears, accord<strong>in</strong>g to the poster, to require very little
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
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— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
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— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
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— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
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— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
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— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
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— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
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— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
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— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
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— 218 — Do you thin</st
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— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
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— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247: — 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249: — 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251: — 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253: — 252 — Taking
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Page 256 and 257: — 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
Page 258 and 259: — 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261: — 260 — We gave them hi
Page 262 and 263: — 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265: — 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279: — 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
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Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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Page 288 and 289: — 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 298 and 299: — 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317: — 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
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Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
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Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
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— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
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— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
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— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
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— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
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— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
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— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
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— 386 — Possibly, he will have
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— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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