Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 356 — was wasted. One felt sorry for the poor animal; but no amount of sorrow anyone else might feel for him could compare with the sorrow he felt for himself. He stopped runn<strong>in</strong>g about; he sat down <strong>in</strong> the middle of the room, and appealed to the solar system generally to observe this unjust th<strong>in</strong>g that had come upon him. They must have heard his compla<strong>in</strong>t <strong>in</strong> the valleys round about, and have wondered what upheaval of nature was tak<strong>in</strong>g place among the hills. As for the hen it scuttled, scream<strong>in</strong>g, every way at once. It was a marvellous bird: it seemed to be able to run up a straight wall quite easily; and it and the cat between them fetched down mostly everyth<strong>in</strong>g that was not already on the floor. In less than forty seconds there were n<strong>in</strong>e people <strong>in</strong> that room, all try<strong>in</strong>g to kick one dog. Possibly, now and aga<strong>in</strong>, one or another may have succeeded, for occasionally the dog would stop bark<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> order to howl. But it did not discourage him. Everyth<strong>in</strong>g has to be paid for, he evidently argued, even a pig and chicken hunt; and, on the whole, the game was worth it. Besides, he had the satisfaction of observ<strong>in</strong>g that, for every kick he received, most other liv<strong>in</strong>g th<strong>in</strong>gs <strong>in</strong> the room got two. As for the unfortunate pig — the stationary one, the one that still sat lament<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the centre of the room — he must have averaged a steady four. Try<strong>in</strong>g to kick this dog was like play<strong>in</strong>g football with a ball that was never there — not when you went to kick it, but after you had started to kick it, and had gone too far to stop yourself, so that the kick had to go on <strong>in</strong> any case, your only hope be<strong>in</strong>g that your foot would f<strong>in</strong>d someth<strong>in</strong>g or another solid to stop it, and so save you from sitt<strong>in</strong>g down on the floor noisily and completely. When anybody did kick the dog it was by pure accident, when they were not expect<strong>in</strong>g to kick him; and, generally speak<strong>in</strong>g, this took them so unawares that, after kick<strong>in</strong>g him, they fell over him. And everybody, every half-m<strong>in</strong>ute, would be certa<strong>in</strong> to fall over the pig the sitt<strong>in</strong>g pig, the one <strong>in</strong>capable of gett<strong>in</strong>g out of anybody’s way. How long the scrimmage might have lasted it is impossible to say. It was ended by the judgment of George. For a while
— 357 — he had been seek<strong>in</strong>g to catch, not the dog but the rema<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g pig, the one still capable of activity. Corner<strong>in</strong>g it at last, he persuaded it to cease runn<strong>in</strong>g round and round the room, and <strong>in</strong>stead to take a sp<strong>in</strong> outside. It shot through the door with one long wail. We always desire the th<strong>in</strong>g we have not. One pig, a chicken, n<strong>in</strong>e people, and a cat, were as noth<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> that dog’s op<strong>in</strong>ion compared with the quarry that was disappear<strong>in</strong>g. Unwisely, he darted after it, and George closed the door upon him and shot the bolt. Then the landlord stood up, and surveyed all the th<strong>in</strong>gs that were ly<strong>in</strong>g on the floor. “That’s a playful dog of yours,” said he to the man who had come <strong>in</strong> with the brick. “He is not my dog,” replied the man sullenly. “Whose dog is it then?” said the landlord. “I don’t know whose dog it is,” answered the man. “That won’t do for me, you know,” said the landlord, pick<strong>in</strong>g up a picture of the German Emperor, and wip<strong>in</strong>g beer from it with his sleeve. “I know it won’t,” replied the man; “I never expected it would. I’m tired of tell<strong>in</strong>g people it isn’t my dog. They none of them believe me.” “What do you want to go about with him for, if he’s not your dog?” said the landlord. “What’s the attraction about him?” “I don’t go about with him,” replied the man; “he goes about with me. He picked me up this morn<strong>in</strong>g at ten o’clock, and he won’t leave me. I thought I had got rid of him when I came <strong>in</strong> here. I left him busy kill<strong>in</strong>g a duck more than a quarter of an hour away. I’ll have to pay for that, I expect, on my way back.” “Have you tried throw<strong>in</strong>g stones at him?” asked Harris. “Have I tried throw<strong>in</strong>g stones at him!” replied the man, contemptuously. “I’ve been throw<strong>in</strong>g stones at him till my arm aches with throw<strong>in</strong>g stones; and he th<strong>in</strong>ks it’s a game, and br<strong>in</strong>gs them back to me. I’ve been carry<strong>in</strong>g this beastly brick about with me for over an hour, <strong>in</strong> the hope of be<strong>in</strong>g able to
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36:
— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41 and 42:
— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54:
— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64:
— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80:
— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88:
— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90:
— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
Page 97 and 98:
— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
Page 99 and 100:
— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130:
— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140:
— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148:
— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152:
— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158:
— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164:
— 163 — crowded with nobility a
Page 165 and 166:
— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170:
— 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172:
— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213:
— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229:
— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237:
— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241:
— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253:
— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
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— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303:
— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317: — 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323: — 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331: — 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341: — 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365: — 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367: — 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369: — 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371: — 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373: — 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375: — 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377: — 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379: — 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381: — 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383: — 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385: — 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387: — 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389: — 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391: — 390 — a girl, she never under
Page 392: INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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