Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 80 — it was so funny that, when Herr Slossenn Boschen had sung it once before the German Emperor, he (the German Emperor) had had to be carried off to bed. They said nobody could s<strong>in</strong>g it like Herr Slossenn Boschen; he was so <strong>in</strong>tensely serious all through it that you might fancy he was recit<strong>in</strong>g a tragedy, and that, of course, made it all the funnier. They said he never once suggested by his tone or manner that he was s<strong>in</strong>g<strong>in</strong>g anyth<strong>in</strong>g funny — that would spoil it. It was his air of seriousness, almost of pathos, that made it so irresistibly amus<strong>in</strong>g. We said we yearned to hear it, that we wanted a good laugh; and they went downstairs, and fetched Herr Slossenn Boschen. He appeared to be quite pleased to s<strong>in</strong>g it, for he came up at once, and sat down to the piano without another word. “Oh, it will amuse you. You will laugh,” whispered the two young men, as they passed through the room, and took up an unobtrusive position beh<strong>in</strong>d the Professor’s back. Herr Slossenn Boschen accompanied himself. The prelude did not suggest a comic song exactly. It was a weird, soulful air. It quite made one’s flesh creep; but we murmured to one another that it was the German method, and prepared to enjoy it. I don’t understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever s<strong>in</strong>ce. Still, I did not want the people there to guess my ignorance; so I hit upon what I thought to be rather a good idea. I kept my eye on the two young students, and followed them. When they tittered, I tittered; when they roared, I roared; and I also threw <strong>in</strong> a little snigger all by myself now and then, as if I had seen a bit of humour that had escaped the others. I considered this particularly artful on my part. I noticed, as the song progressed, that a good many other people seemed to have their eye fixed on the two young men, as well as myself. These other people also tittered when the young men tittered, and roared when the young men roared;
— 81 — and, as the two young men tittered and roared and exploded with laughter pretty cont<strong>in</strong>uously all through the song, it went exceed<strong>in</strong>gly well. And yet that German Professor did not seem happy. At first, when we began to laugh, the expression of his face was one of <strong>in</strong>tense surprise, as if laughter were the very last th<strong>in</strong>g he had expected to be greeted with. We thought this very funny: we said his earnest manner was half the humour. The slightest h<strong>in</strong>t on his part that he knew how funny he was would have completely ru<strong>in</strong>ed it all. As we cont<strong>in</strong>ued to laugh, his surprise gave way to an air of annoyance and <strong>in</strong>dignation, and he scowled fiercely round upon us all (except upon the two young men who, be<strong>in</strong>g beh<strong>in</strong>d him, he could not see). That sent us <strong>in</strong>to convulsions. We told each other that it would be the death of us, this th<strong>in</strong>g. The words alone, we said, were enough to send us <strong>in</strong>to fits, but added to his mock seriousness — oh, it was too much! In the last verse, he surpassed himself. He glowered round upon us with a look of such concentrated ferocity that, but for our be<strong>in</strong>g forewarned as to the German method of comic s<strong>in</strong>g<strong>in</strong>g, we should have been nervous; and he threw such a wail<strong>in</strong>g note of agony <strong>in</strong>to the weird music that, if we had not known it was a funny song, we might have wept. He f<strong>in</strong>ished amid a perfect shriek of laughter. We said it was the funniest th<strong>in</strong>g we had ever heard <strong>in</strong> all our lives. We said how strange it was that, <strong>in</strong> the face of th<strong>in</strong>gs like these, there should be a popular notion that the Germans hadn’t any sense of humour. And we asked the Professor why he didn’t translate the song <strong>in</strong>to English, so that the common people could understand it, and hear what a real comic song was like. Then Herr Slossenn Boschen got up, and went on awful. He swore at us <strong>in</strong> German (which I should judge to be a s<strong>in</strong>gularly effective language for that purpose), and he danced, and shook his fists, and called us all the English he knew. He said he had never been so <strong>in</strong>sulted <strong>in</strong> all his life. It appeared that the song was not a comic song at all. It was
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
Page 29 and 30: — 29 — blow, the nail would go
Page 31 and 32: — 31 — whether you have ever se
Page 33 and 34: — 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36: — 35 — At the end of that trip
Page 37 and 38: — 37 — little thin</str
Page 39 and 40: — 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41 and 42: — 41 — “Ain
Page 43 and 44: — 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46: — 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
Page 47 and 48: — 47 — fatalities, and the weat
Page 49 and 50: — 49 — longed spell of grand we
Page 51 and 52: — 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54: — 53 — should all know when we
Page 55 and 56: — 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
Page 57 and 58: — 57 — be that of the average h
Page 59 and 60: — 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62: — 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64: — 63 — on until, at last, they
Page 65 and 66: — 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
Page 67 and 68: — 67 — worn in
Page 69 and 70: — 69 — down on your — I mean
Page 71 and 72: — 71 — about, makin</st
Page 73 and 74: — 73 — of the river, and was ev
Page 75 and 76: — 75 — by slouchin</str
Page 77 and 78: — 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79: — 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
Page 83 and 84: — 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86: — 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88: — 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90: — 89 — or his hat has dropped <
Page 91 and 92: — 91 — did it, and the boat rus
Page 93 and 94: — 93 — twenty min</stro
Page 95 and 96: — 95 — tion; and then we both w
Page 97 and 98: — 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
Page 99 and 100: — 99 — at Harris, began to stru
Page 101 and 102: — 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104: — 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106: — 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
Page 107 and 108: — 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110: — 109 — George listened, and a
Page 111 and 112: — 111 — ing ba
Page 113 and 114: — 113 — the eggs that had not s
Page 115 and 116: — 115 — and there false John’
Page 117 and 118: — 117 — it been a Richard there
Page 119 and 120: — 119 — drawin
Page 121 and 122: — 121 — King
Page 123 and 124: — 123 — But Harris, who is an o
Page 125 and 126: — 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128: — 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130: — 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
Page 133 and 134:
— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140:
— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158:
— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164:
— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
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— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267:
— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
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— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
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— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
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— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327:
— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329:
— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333:
— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345:
— 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347:
— 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349:
— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351:
— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359:
— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371:
— 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373:
— 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375:
— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385:
— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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