Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
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by slouch<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g about <strong>the</strong> banks and blackmail<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g weak-m<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ded<br />
noodles <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> this way. They represent <strong>the</strong>mselves as sent by <strong>the</strong><br />
proprietor. The proper course to pursue is to offer your name<br />
and address, and leave <strong>the</strong> owner, if he really has anyth<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g to<br />
do with <strong>the</strong> matter, to summ<strong>on</strong> you, and prove what damage<br />
you have d<strong>on</strong>e to his land by sitt<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g down <strong>on</strong> a bit of it. But <strong>the</strong><br />
majority of people are so <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>tensely lazy and timid, that <strong>the</strong>y<br />
prefer to encourage <strong>the</strong> impositi<strong>on</strong> by giv<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> to it ra<strong>the</strong>r<br />
than put an end to it by <strong>the</strong> exerti<strong>on</strong> of a little firmness.<br />
Where it is really <strong>the</strong> owners that are to blame, <strong>the</strong>y ought to<br />
be shown up. The selfishness of <strong>the</strong> riparian proprietor grows<br />
with every year. If <strong>the</strong>se men had <strong>the</strong>ir way <strong>the</strong>y would close<br />
<strong>the</strong> river Thames altoge<strong>the</strong>r. They actually do this al<strong>on</strong>g <strong>the</strong><br />
m<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>or tributary streams and <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>the</strong> backwaters. They drive<br />
posts <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to <strong>the</strong> bed of <strong>the</strong> stream, and draw cha<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>s across from<br />
bank to bank, and nail huge notice-boards <strong>on</strong> every tree. The<br />
sight of those notice-boards rouses every evil <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>st<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ct <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> my<br />
nature. I feel I want to tear each <strong>on</strong>e down, and hammer it over<br />
<strong>the</strong> head of <strong>the</strong> man who put it up, until I have killed him, and<br />
<strong>the</strong>n I would bury him, and put <strong>the</strong> board up over <strong>the</strong> grave as<br />
a tombst<strong>on</strong>e.<br />
I menti<strong>on</strong>ed <strong>the</strong>se feel<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>gs of m<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>e to Harris, and he said he<br />
had <strong>the</strong>m worse than that. He said he not <strong>on</strong>ly felt he wanted<br />
to kill <strong>the</strong> man who caused <strong>the</strong> board to be put up, but that<br />
he should like to slaughter <strong>the</strong> whole of his family and all his<br />
friends and relati<strong>on</strong>s, and <strong>the</strong>n burn down his house. This<br />
seemed to me to be go<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g too far, and I said so to Harris; but<br />
he answered:<br />
“Not a bit of it. Serve ’em all jolly well right, and I’d go and<br />
s<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g comic s<strong>on</strong>gs <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> ru<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>s.”<br />
I was vexed to hear Harris go <strong>on</strong> <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> this blood-thirsty stra<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>.<br />
We never ought to allow our <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>st<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>cts of justice to degenerate<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to mere v<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>dictiveness. It was a l<strong>on</strong>g while before I could<br />
get Harris to take a more Christian view of <strong>the</strong> subject, but I<br />
succeeded at last, and he promised me that he would spare <strong>the</strong>