Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 332 — And the sun is always sh<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g and the roads are always dry. No stern parent rides beh<strong>in</strong>d, no <strong>in</strong>terfer<strong>in</strong>g aunt beside, no demon small boy brother is peep<strong>in</strong>g round the corner, there never comes a skid. Ah me! Why were there no “Brita<strong>in</strong>’s Best” nor “Camberwell Eurekas” to be hired when we were young? Or maybe the “Brita<strong>in</strong>’s Best” or the “Camberwell Eureka” stands lean<strong>in</strong>g aga<strong>in</strong>st a gate; maybe it is tired. It has worked hard all the afternoon, carry<strong>in</strong>g these young people. Mercifully m<strong>in</strong>ded, they have dismounted, to give the mach<strong>in</strong>e a rest. They sit upon the grass beneath the shade of graceful boughs; it is long and dry grass. A stream flows by their feet. All is rest and peace. That is ever the idea the cycle poster artist sets himself to convey — rest and peace. But I am wrong <strong>in</strong> say<strong>in</strong>g that no cyclist, accord<strong>in</strong>g to the poster, ever works. Now I come to reflect, I have seen posters represent<strong>in</strong>g gentlemen on cycles work<strong>in</strong>g very hard — overwork<strong>in</strong>g themselves, one might almost say. They are th<strong>in</strong> and haggard with the toil, the perspiration stands upon their brow <strong>in</strong> beads; you feel that if there is another hill beyond the poster they must either get off or die. But this is the result of their own folly. This happens because they will persist <strong>in</strong> rid<strong>in</strong>g a mach<strong>in</strong>e of an <strong>in</strong>ferior make. Were they rid<strong>in</strong>g a “Putney Popular” or “Battersea Bounder,” such as the sensible young man <strong>in</strong> the centre of the poster rides, then all this unnecessary labour would be saved to them. Then all required of them would be, as <strong>in</strong> gratitude bound, to look happy; perhaps, occasionally to back-pedal a little when the mach<strong>in</strong>e <strong>in</strong> its youthful buoyancy loses its head for a moment and dashes on too swiftly. You tired young men, sitt<strong>in</strong>g dejectedly on milestones, too spent to heed the steady ra<strong>in</strong> that soaks you through; you weary maidens, with the straight, damp hair, anxious about the time, long<strong>in</strong>g to swear, not know<strong>in</strong>g how; you stout bald men, vanish<strong>in</strong>g visibly as you pant and grunt along the endless road; you purple, dejected matrons, ply<strong>in</strong>g with pa<strong>in</strong> the slow unwill<strong>in</strong>g wheel; why did you not see to it that you bought a
— 333 — “Brita<strong>in</strong>’s Best” or a “Camberwell Eureka”? Why are these bicycles of <strong>in</strong>ferior make so prevalent throughout the land Or is it with bicycl<strong>in</strong>g as with all other th<strong>in</strong>gs: does Life at no po<strong>in</strong>t realise the Poster? The one th<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> Germany that never fails to charm and fasc<strong>in</strong>ate me is the German dog. In England one grows tired of the old breeds, one knows them all so well: the mastiff, the plum-pudd<strong>in</strong>g dog, the terrier (black, white or rough-haired, as the case may be, but always quarrelsome), the collie, the bulldog; never anyth<strong>in</strong>g new. Now <strong>in</strong> Germany you get variety. You come across dogs the like of which you have never seen before: that until you hear them bark you do not know are dogs. It is all so fresh, so <strong>in</strong>terest<strong>in</strong>g. George stopped a dog <strong>in</strong> Sigmar<strong>in</strong>gen and drew our attention to it. It suggested a cross between a codfish and a poodle. I would not like to be positive it was not a cross between a codfish and a poodle. Harris tried to photograph it, but it ran up a fence and disappeared through some bushes. I do not know what the German breeder’s idea is; at present he reta<strong>in</strong>s his secret. George suggests he is aim<strong>in</strong>g at a griff<strong>in</strong>. There is much to bear out this theory, and <strong>in</strong>deed <strong>in</strong> one or two cases I have come across success on these l<strong>in</strong>es would seem to have been almost achieved. Yet I cannot br<strong>in</strong>g myself to believe that such are anyth<strong>in</strong>g more than mere accidents. The German is practical, and I fail to see the object of a griff<strong>in</strong>. If mere qua<strong>in</strong>tness of design be desired, is there not already the Dachshund! What more is needed? Besides, about a house, a griff<strong>in</strong> would be so <strong>in</strong>convenient: people would be cont<strong>in</strong>ually tread<strong>in</strong>g on its tail. My own idea is that what the Germans are try<strong>in</strong>g for is a mermaid, which they will then tra<strong>in</strong> to catch fish. For your German does not encourage laz<strong>in</strong>ess <strong>in</strong> any liv<strong>in</strong>g th<strong>in</strong>g. He likes to see his dogs work, and the German dog loves work; of that there can be no doubt. The life of the English dog must be a misery to him. Imag<strong>in</strong>e a strong, active, and <strong>in</strong>telligent be<strong>in</strong>g, of exceptionally energetic temperament, condemned to spend twenty-four hours a day <strong>in</strong> absolute
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
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— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
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— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
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— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
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— 248 — and reflectin</
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— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
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— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
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— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
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— 280 — among them proceeded to
Page 282 and 283: — 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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Page 288 and 289: — 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297: — 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299: — 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317: — 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323: — 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331: — 330 — contin
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341: — 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357: — 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365: — 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367: — 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369: — 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371: — 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373: — 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375: — 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377: — 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379: — 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381: — 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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