Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 320 — He ignored my offer. He said: “You threw these th<strong>in</strong>gs out of w<strong>in</strong>dow.” “You are right,” I admitted; “I did.” “Why did you throw them out of w<strong>in</strong>dow?” he asked. A German policeman has his code of questions arranged for him; he never varies them, and he never omits one. “I threw them out of the w<strong>in</strong>dow at some cats,” I answered. “What cats?” he asked. It was the sort of question a German policeman would ask. I replied with as much sarcasm as I could put <strong>in</strong>to my accent that I was ashamed to say I could not tell him what cats. I expla<strong>in</strong>ed that, personally, they were strangers to me; but I offered, if the police would call all the cats <strong>in</strong> the district together, to come round and see if I could recognise them by their yaul. The German policeman does not understand a joke, which is perhaps on the whole just as well, for I believe there is a heavy f<strong>in</strong>e for jok<strong>in</strong>g with any German uniform; they call it “treat<strong>in</strong>g an official with contumely.” He merely replied that it was not the duty of the police to help me recognise the cats; their duty was merely to f<strong>in</strong>e me for throw<strong>in</strong>g th<strong>in</strong>gs out of w<strong>in</strong>dow. I asked what a man was supposed to do <strong>in</strong> Germany when woke up night after night by cats, and he expla<strong>in</strong>ed that I could lodge an <strong>in</strong>formation aga<strong>in</strong>st the owner of the cat, when the police would proceed to caution him, and, if necessary, order the cat to be destroyed. Who was go<strong>in</strong>g to destroy the cat, and what the cat would be do<strong>in</strong>g dur<strong>in</strong>g the process, he did not expla<strong>in</strong>. I asked him how he proposed I should discover the owner of the cat. He thought for a while, and then suggested that I might follow it home. I did not feel <strong>in</strong>cl<strong>in</strong>ed to argue with him any more after that; I should only have said th<strong>in</strong>gs that would have made the matter worse. As it was, that night’s sport cost me twelve marks; and not a s<strong>in</strong>gle one of the four German officials who <strong>in</strong>terviewed me on the subject could see anyth<strong>in</strong>g ridiculous <strong>in</strong> the proceed<strong>in</strong>gs from beg<strong>in</strong>n<strong>in</strong>g to end.
— 321 — But <strong>in</strong> Germany most human faults and follies s<strong>in</strong>k <strong>in</strong>to comparative <strong>in</strong>significance beside the enormity of walk<strong>in</strong>g on the grass. Nowhere, and under no circumstances, may you at any time <strong>in</strong> Germany walk on the grass. Grass <strong>in</strong> Germany is quite a fetish. To put your foot on German grass would be as great a sacrilege as to dance a hornpipe on a Mohammedan’s pray<strong>in</strong>g-mat. The very dogs respect German grass; no German dog would dream of putt<strong>in</strong>g a paw on it. If you see a dog scamper<strong>in</strong>g across the grass <strong>in</strong> Germany, you may know for certa<strong>in</strong> that it is the dog of some unholy foreigner. In England, when we want to keep dogs out of places, we put up wire nett<strong>in</strong>g, six feet high, supported by buttresses, and defended on the top by spikes. In Germany, they put a notice-board <strong>in</strong> the middle of the place, “Hunden verboten,” and a dog that has German blood <strong>in</strong> its ve<strong>in</strong>s looks at that notice-board and walks away. In a German park I have seen a gardener step g<strong>in</strong>gerly with felt boots on to grass-plot, and remov<strong>in</strong>g therefrom a beetle, place it gravely but firmly on the gravel; which done, he stood sternly watch<strong>in</strong>g the beetle, to see that it did not try to get back on the grass; and the beetle, look<strong>in</strong>g utterly ashamed of itself, walked hurriedly down the gutter, and turned up the path marked “Ausgang.” In German parks separate roads are devoted to the different orders of the community, and no one person, at peril of liberty and fortune, may go upon another person’s road. There are special paths for “wheel-riders” and special paths for “foot-goers,” avenues for “horse-riders,” roads for people <strong>in</strong> light vehicles, and roads for people <strong>in</strong> heavy vehicles; ways for children and for “alone ladies.” That no particular route has yet been set aside for bald-headed men or “new women” has always struck me as an omission. In the Grosse Garten <strong>in</strong> Dresden I once came across an old lady, stand<strong>in</strong>g, helpless and bewildered, <strong>in</strong> the centre of seven tracks. Each was guarded by a threaten<strong>in</strong>g notice, warn<strong>in</strong>g everybody off it but the person for whom it was <strong>in</strong>tended. “I am sorry to trouble you,” said the old lady, on learn<strong>in</strong>g I
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
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— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
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— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
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— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
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— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
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— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
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— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
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— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
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— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
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— 218 — Do you thin</st
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— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
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— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
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— 248 — and reflectin</
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— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
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— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
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— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279: — 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
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Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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Page 288 and 289: — 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297: — 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299: — 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
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Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
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Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331: — 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357: — 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365: — 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367: — 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369: — 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
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— 386 — Possibly, he will have
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— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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