Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 316 — horse was tired, and the journey took us well over two hours. It was the slowest lark I ever remember be<strong>in</strong>g concerned <strong>in</strong>. I tried one or twice to persuade the children to let me take them back to the old lady: but every time I opened the trap-door to speak to them the youngest one, a boy, started scream<strong>in</strong>g; and when I offered other drivers to transfer the job to them, most of them replied <strong>in</strong> the words of a song popular about that period: ‘Oh, George, don’t you th<strong>in</strong>k you’re go<strong>in</strong>g just a bit too far?’ One man offered to take home to my wife any last message I might be th<strong>in</strong>k<strong>in</strong>g of, while another promised to organise a party to come and dig me out <strong>in</strong> the spr<strong>in</strong>g. When I mounted the dickey I had imag<strong>in</strong>ed myself driv<strong>in</strong>g a peppery old colonel to some lonesome and cabless region, half a dozen miles from where he wanted to go, and there leav<strong>in</strong>g him upon the kerbstone to swear. About that there might have been good sport or there might not, accord<strong>in</strong>g to circumstances and the colonel. The idea of a trip to an outly<strong>in</strong>g suburb <strong>in</strong> charge of a nursery full of helpless <strong>in</strong>fants had never occurred to me. No, London,” concluded my friend the churchwarden with a sigh, “affords but limited opportunity to the lover of the illegal.” Now, <strong>in</strong> Germany, on the other hand, trouble is to be had for the ask<strong>in</strong>g. There are many th<strong>in</strong>gs <strong>in</strong> Germany that you must not do that are quite easy to do. To any young Englishman yearn<strong>in</strong>g to get himself <strong>in</strong>to a scrape, and f<strong>in</strong>d<strong>in</strong>g himself hampered <strong>in</strong> his own country, I would advise a s<strong>in</strong>gle ticket to Germany; a return, last<strong>in</strong>g as it does only a month, might prove a waste. In the Police Guide of the Fatherland he will f<strong>in</strong>d set forth a list of the th<strong>in</strong>gs the do<strong>in</strong>g of which will br<strong>in</strong>g to him <strong>in</strong>terest and excitement. In Germany you must not hang your bed out of the w<strong>in</strong>dow. He might beg<strong>in</strong> with that. By wav<strong>in</strong>g his bed out of w<strong>in</strong>dow he could get <strong>in</strong>to trouble before he had his breakfast. At home he might hang himself out of w<strong>in</strong>dow, and nobody would m<strong>in</strong>d much, provided he did not obstruct anybody’s ancient lights or break away and <strong>in</strong>jure any passer underneath.
— 317 — In Germany you must not wear fancy dress <strong>in</strong> the streets. A Highlander of my acqua<strong>in</strong>tance who came to pass the w<strong>in</strong>ter <strong>in</strong> Dresden spent the first few days of his residence there <strong>in</strong> argu<strong>in</strong>g this question with the Saxon Government. They asked him what he was do<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> those clothes. He was not an amiable man. He answered, he was wear<strong>in</strong>g them. They asked him why he was wear<strong>in</strong>g them. He replied, to keep himself warm. They told him frankly that they did not believe him, and sent him back to his lodg<strong>in</strong>gs <strong>in</strong> a closed landau. The personal testimony of the English M<strong>in</strong>ister was necessary to assure the authorities that the Highland garb was the customary dress of many respectable, law-abid<strong>in</strong>g British subjects. They accepted the statement, as diplomatically bound, but reta<strong>in</strong> their private op<strong>in</strong>ion to this day. The English tourist they have grown accustomed to; but a Leicestershire gentleman, <strong>in</strong>vited to hunt with some German officers, on appear<strong>in</strong>g outside his hotel, was promptly marched off, horse and all, to expla<strong>in</strong> his frivolity at the police court. Another th<strong>in</strong>g you must not do <strong>in</strong> the streets of German towns is to feed horses, mules, or donkeys, whether your own or those belong<strong>in</strong>g to other people. If a passion seizes you to feed somebody else’s horse, you must make an appo<strong>in</strong>tment with the animal, and the meal must take place <strong>in</strong> some properly authorised place. You must not break glass or ch<strong>in</strong>a <strong>in</strong> the street, nor, <strong>in</strong> fact, <strong>in</strong> any public resort whatever; and if you do, you must pick up all the pieces. What you are to do with the pieces when you have gathered them together I cannot say. The only th<strong>in</strong>g I know for certa<strong>in</strong> is that you are not permitted to throw them anywhere, to leave them anywhere, or apparently to part with them <strong>in</strong> any way whatever. Presumably, you are expected to carry them about with you until you die, and then be buried with them; or, maybe, you are allowed to swallow them. In German streets you must not shoot with a crossbow. The German law-maker does not content himself with the misdeeds of the average man — the crime one feels one wants
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
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— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
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— 248 — and reflectin</
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— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279: — 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
Page 282 and 283: — 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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Page 288 and 289: — 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297: — 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299: — 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323: — 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331: — 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341: — 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357: — 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365: — 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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