Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 150 — So he sat up at night <strong>in</strong>stead, and played after the family had gone to bed, but that did not do, as it got the house such a bad name. People, go<strong>in</strong>g home late, would stop outside to listen, and then put it about all over the town, the next morn<strong>in</strong>g, that a fearful murder had been committed at Mr. Jefferson’s the night before; and would describe how they had heard the victim’s shrieks and the brutal oaths and curses of the murderer, followed by the prayer for mercy, and the last dy<strong>in</strong>g gurgle of the corpse. So they let him practise <strong>in</strong> the day-time, <strong>in</strong> the back-kitchen with all the doors shut; but his more successful passages could generally be heard <strong>in</strong> the sitt<strong>in</strong>g-room, <strong>in</strong> spite of these precautions, and would affect his mother almost to tears. She said it put her <strong>in</strong> m<strong>in</strong>d of her poor father (he had been swallowed by a shark, poor man, while bath<strong>in</strong>g off the coast of New Gu<strong>in</strong>ea — where the connection came <strong>in</strong>, she could not expla<strong>in</strong>). Then they knocked up a little place for him at the bottom of the garden, about quarter of a mile from the house, and made him take the mach<strong>in</strong>e down there when he wanted to work it; and sometimes a visitor would come to the house who knew noth<strong>in</strong>g of the matter, and they would forget to tell him all about it, and caution him, and he would go out for a stroll round the garden and suddenly get with<strong>in</strong> earshot of those bagpipes, without be<strong>in</strong>g prepared for it, or know<strong>in</strong>g what it was. If he were a man of strong m<strong>in</strong>d, it only gave him fits; but a person of mere average <strong>in</strong>tellect it usually sent mad. There is, it must be confessed, someth<strong>in</strong>g very sad about the early efforts of an amateur <strong>in</strong> bagpipes. I have felt that myself when listen<strong>in</strong>g to my young friend. They appear to be a try<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong>strument to perform upon. You have to get enough breath for the whole tune before you start — at least, so I gathered from watch<strong>in</strong>g Jefferson. He would beg<strong>in</strong> magnificently with a wild, full, come-tothe-battle sort of a note, that quite roused you. But he would
— 151 — get more and more piano as he went on, and the last verse generally collapsed <strong>in</strong> the middle with a splutter and a hiss. You want to be <strong>in</strong> good health to play the bagpipes. Young Jefferson only learnt to play one tune on those bagpipes; but I never heard any compla<strong>in</strong>ts about the <strong>in</strong>sufficiency of his repertoire — none whatever. This tune was “The Campbells are Com<strong>in</strong>g, Hooray — Hooray!” so he said, though his father always held that it was “The Blue Bells of Scotland.” Nobody seemed quite sure what it was exactly, but they all agreed that it sounded Scotch. Strangers were allowed three guesses, and most of them guessed a different tune each time. Harris was disagreeable after supper, — I th<strong>in</strong>k it must have been the stew that had upset him: he is not used to high liv<strong>in</strong>g, — so George and I left him <strong>in</strong> the boat, and settled to go for a mouch round Henley. He said he should have a glass of whisky and a pipe, and fix th<strong>in</strong>gs up for the night. We were to shout when we returned, and he would row over from the island and fetch us. “Don’t go to sleep, old man,” we said as we started. “Not much fear of that while this stew’s on,” he grunted, as he pulled back to the island. Henley was gett<strong>in</strong>g ready for the regatta, and was full of bustle. We met a goodish number of men we knew about the town, and <strong>in</strong> their pleasant company the time slipped by somewhat quickly; so that it was nearly eleven o’clock before we set off on our four-mile walk home — as we had learned to call our little craft by this time. It was a dismal night, coldish, with a th<strong>in</strong> ra<strong>in</strong> fall<strong>in</strong>g; and as we trudged through the dark, silent fields, talk<strong>in</strong>g low to each other, and wonder<strong>in</strong>g if we were go<strong>in</strong>g right or not, we thought of the cosy boat, with the bright light stream<strong>in</strong>g through the tight-drawn canvas; of Harris and Montmorency, and the whisky, and wished that we were there. We conjured up the picture of ourselves <strong>in</strong>side, tired and a little hungry; of the gloomy river and the shapeless trees;
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64:
— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
Page 99 and 100: — 99 — at Harris, began to stru
Page 101 and 102: — 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104: — 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106: — 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
Page 107 and 108: — 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110: — 109 — George listened, and a
Page 111 and 112: — 111 — ing ba
Page 113 and 114: — 113 — the eggs that had not s
Page 115 and 116: — 115 — and there false John’
Page 117 and 118: — 117 — it been a Richard there
Page 119 and 120: — 119 — drawin
Page 121 and 122: — 121 — King
Page 123 and 124: — 123 — But Harris, who is an o
Page 125 and 126: — 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128: — 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130: — 129 — three fishermen sat; an
Page 131 and 132: — 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
Page 133 and 134: — 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136: — 135 — among themselves, and f
Page 137 and 138: — 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140: — 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142: — 141 — We tried river water on
Page 143 and 144: — 143 — scendin</strong
Page 145 and 146: — 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148: — 147 — which he evidently wish
Page 149: — 149 — ing?
Page 153 and 154: — 153 — We could not pass the w
Page 155 and 156: — 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158: — 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160: — 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162: — 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164: — 163 — crowded with nobility a
Page 165 and 166: — 165 — spare pole with us. I c
Page 167 and 168: — 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170: — 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172: — 171 — be contin</stro
Page 173 and 174: — 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176: — 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178: — 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180: — 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182: — 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184: — 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186: — 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188: — 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190: — 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192: — 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194: — 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196: — 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198: — 197 — lookin
Page 199: THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253:
— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267:
— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285:
— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
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— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
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— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313:
— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
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— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329:
— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333:
— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
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— 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349:
— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351:
— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371:
— 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373:
— 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375:
— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385:
— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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