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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 12 —<br />

I did not open it. I took it to <strong>the</strong> nearest chemist’s, and<br />

handed it <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>. The man read it, and <strong>the</strong>n handed it back.<br />

He said he didn’t keep it.<br />

I said:<br />

“You are a chemist?”<br />

He said:<br />

“I am a chemist. If I was a co-operative stores and family<br />

hotel comb<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ed, I might be able to oblige you. Be<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>on</strong>ly a<br />

chemist hampers me.”<br />

I read <strong>the</strong> prescripti<strong>on</strong>. It ran:<br />

“1 lb. beefsteak, with<br />

1 pt. bitter beer<br />

every 6 hours.<br />

1 ten-mile walk every morn<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g.<br />

1 bed at 11 sharp every night.<br />

And d<strong>on</strong>’t stuff up your head with<br />

th<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>gs you d<strong>on</strong>’t understand.”<br />

I followed <strong>the</strong> directi<strong>on</strong>s, with <strong>the</strong> happy result — speak<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g<br />

for myself — that my life was preserved, and is still go<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>on</strong>.<br />

In <strong>the</strong> present <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>stance, go<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g back to <strong>the</strong> liver-pill circular,<br />

I had <strong>the</strong> symptoms, bey<strong>on</strong>d all mistake, <strong>the</strong> chief am<strong>on</strong>g <strong>the</strong>m<br />

be<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g “a general dis<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>cl<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ati<strong>on</strong> to work of any k<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>d.”<br />

What I suffer <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> that way no t<strong>on</strong>gue can tell. From my earliest<br />

<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>fancy I have been a martyr to it. As a boy, <strong>the</strong> disease<br />

hardly ever left me for a day. They did not know, <strong>the</strong>n, that it<br />

was my liver. Medical science was <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> a far less advanced state<br />

than now, and <strong>the</strong>y used to put it down to laz<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ess.<br />

“Why, you skulk<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g little devil, you,” <strong>the</strong>y would say, “get up<br />

and do someth<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g for your liv<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g, can’t you?” — not know<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g,<br />

of course, that I was ill.<br />

And <strong>the</strong>y didn’t give me pills; <strong>the</strong>y gave me clumps <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong><br />

side of <strong>the</strong> head. And, strange as it may appear, those clumps<br />

<strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> head often cured me — for <strong>the</strong> time be<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g. I have known<br />

<strong>on</strong>e clump <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> head have more effect up<strong>on</strong> my liver, and

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