Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 176 — No; your accomplished angler would scorn to tell a lie, that way. His method is a study <strong>in</strong> itself. He comes <strong>in</strong> quietly with his hat on, appropriates the most comfortable chair, lights his pipe, and commences to puff <strong>in</strong> silence. He lets the youngsters brag away for a while, and then, dur<strong>in</strong>g a momentary lull, he removes the pipe from his mouth, and remarks, as he knocks the ashes out aga<strong>in</strong>st the bars: “Well, I had a haul on Tuesday even<strong>in</strong>g that it’s not much good my tell<strong>in</strong>g anybody about.” “Oh! why’s that?” they ask. “Because I don’t expect anybody would believe me if I did,” replies the old fellow calmly, and without even a t<strong>in</strong>ge of bitterness <strong>in</strong> his tone, as he refills his pipe, and requests the landlord to br<strong>in</strong>g him three of Scotch, cold. There is a pause after this, nobody feel<strong>in</strong>g sufficiently sure of himself to contradict the old gentleman. So he has to go on by himself without any encouragement. “No,” he cont<strong>in</strong>ues thoughtfully; “I shouldn’t believe it myself if anybody told it to me, but it’s a fact, for all that. I had been sitt<strong>in</strong>g there all the afternoon and had caught literally noth<strong>in</strong>g — except a few dozen dace and a score of jack; and I was just about giv<strong>in</strong>g it up as a bad job when I suddenly felt a rather smart pull at the l<strong>in</strong>e. I thought it was another little one, and I went to jerk it up. Hang me, if I could move the rod! It took me half-an-hour — half-an-hour, sir! — to land that fish; and every moment I thought the l<strong>in</strong>e was go<strong>in</strong>g to snap! I reached him at last, and what do you th<strong>in</strong>k it was? A sturgeon! a forty pound sturgeon! taken on a l<strong>in</strong>e, sir! Yes, you may well look surprised — I’ll have another three of Scotch, landlord, please.” And then he goes on to tell of the astonishment of everybody who saw it; and what his wife said, when he got home, and of what Joe Buggles thought about it. I asked the landlord of an <strong>in</strong>n up the river once, if it did not <strong>in</strong>jure him, sometimes, listen<strong>in</strong>g to the tales that the fishermen about there told him; and he said:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir. It did used to knock me over a bit at first, but, lor love you! me and the missus we listens to ’em all day now. It’s what you’re used to, you know. It’s what you’re used to.” I knew a young man once, he was a most conscientious fellow, and, when he took to fly-fish<strong>in</strong>g, he determ<strong>in</strong>ed never to exaggerate his hauls by more than twenty-five per cent. “When I have caught forty fish,” said he, “then I will tell people that I have caught fifty, and so on. But I will not lie any more than that, because it is s<strong>in</strong>ful to lie.” But the twenty-five per cent. plan did not work well at all. He never was able to use it. The greatest number of fish he ever caught <strong>in</strong> one day was three, and you can’t add twenty-five per cent. to three — at least, not <strong>in</strong> fish. So he <strong>in</strong>creased his percentage to thirty-three-and-a-third; but that, aga<strong>in</strong>, was awkward, when he had only caught one or two; so, to simplify matters, he made up his m<strong>in</strong>d to just double the quantity. He stuck to this arrangement for a couple of months, and then he grew dissatisfied with it. Nobody believed him when he told them that he only doubled, and he, therefore, ga<strong>in</strong>ed no credit that way whatever, while his moderation put him at a disadvantage among the other anglers. When he had really caught three small fish, and said he had caught six, it used to make him quite jealous to hear a man, whom he knew for a fact had only caught one, go<strong>in</strong>g about tell<strong>in</strong>g people he had landed two dozen. So, eventually, he made one f<strong>in</strong>al arrangement with himself, which he has religiously held to ever s<strong>in</strong>ce, and that was to count each fish that he caught as ten, and to assume ten to beg<strong>in</strong> with. For example, if he did not catch any fish at all, then he said he had caught ten fish — you could never catch less than ten fish by his system; that was the foundation of it. Then, if by any chance he really did catch one fish, he called it twenty, while two fish would count thirty, three forty, and so on. It is a simple and easily worked plan, and there has been
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
Page 125 and 126: — 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128: — 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130: — 129 — three fishermen sat; an
Page 131 and 132: — 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
Page 133 and 134: — 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136: — 135 — among themselves, and f
Page 137 and 138: — 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140: — 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142: — 141 — We tried river water on
Page 143 and 144: — 143 — scendin</strong
Page 145 and 146: — 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148: — 147 — which he evidently wish
Page 149 and 150: — 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152: — 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154: — 153 — We could not pass the w
Page 155 and 156: — 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158: — 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160: — 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162: — 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164: — 163 — crowded with nobility a
Page 165 and 166: — 165 — spare pole with us. I c
Page 167 and 168: — 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170: — 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172: — 171 — be contin</stro
Page 173 and 174: — 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175: — 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 179 and 180: — 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182: — 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184: — 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186: — 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188: — 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190: — 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192: — 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194: — 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196: — 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198: — 197 — lookin
Page 199: THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203: — 202 — George would make. A ba
Page 204 and 205: — 204 — and false-hearted enoug
Page 206 and 207: — 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209: — 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211: — 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213: — 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215: — 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217: — 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219: — 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221: — 220 — “She’s goin
Page 222 and 223: — 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225: — 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
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— 248 — and reflectin</
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— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
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— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
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— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
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— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
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— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
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— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
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— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
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— 304 — only remember that <str
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— 306 — He stood there with his
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— 308 — George and I followed s
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— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
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— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
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— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
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— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
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— 330 — contin
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— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
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— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
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— 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
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— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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