Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
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— 233 —<br />
E<strong>the</strong>lbertha said: “If you want to wash yourselves when you<br />
have d<strong>on</strong>e you might go <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to <strong>the</strong> back kitchen, if you d<strong>on</strong>’t<br />
m<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>d; <strong>the</strong> girls have just f<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ished <strong>the</strong> bedrooms.”<br />
She told me that if she met Kate <strong>the</strong>y would probably go<br />
for a sail; but that <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> any case she would be back to lunch. I<br />
would have given a sovereign to be go<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g with her. I was gett<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g<br />
heartily sick of stand<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g about watch<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g this fool break<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g<br />
up my bicycle.<br />
Comm<strong>on</strong> sense c<strong>on</strong>t<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ued to whisper to me: “Stop him,<br />
before he does any more mischief. You have a right to protect<br />
your own property from <strong>the</strong> ravages of a lunatic. Take him by<br />
<strong>the</strong> scruff of <strong>the</strong> neck, and kick him out of <strong>the</strong> gate!”<br />
But I am weak when it comes to hurt<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g o<strong>the</strong>r people’s feel<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>gs,<br />
and I let him muddle <strong>on</strong>.<br />
He gave up look<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g for <strong>the</strong> rest of <strong>the</strong> screws. He said screws<br />
had a knack of turn<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g up when you least expected <strong>the</strong>m; and<br />
that now he would see to <strong>the</strong> cha<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>. He tightened it till it would<br />
not move; next he loosened it until it was twice as loose as it<br />
was before. Then he said we had better th<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>k about gett<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>the</strong><br />
fr<strong>on</strong>t wheel back <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to its place aga<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>.<br />
I held <strong>the</strong> fork open, and he worried with <strong>the</strong> wheel. At <strong>the</strong><br />
end of ten m<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>utes I suggested he should hold <strong>the</strong> forks, and<br />
that I should handle <strong>the</strong> wheel; and we changed places. At <strong>the</strong><br />
end of his first m<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ute he dropped <strong>the</strong> mach<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>e, and took a<br />
short walk round <strong>the</strong> croquet lawn, with his hands pressed<br />
toge<strong>the</strong>r between his thighs. He expla<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ed as he walked that<br />
<strong>the</strong> th<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g to be careful about was to avoid gett<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g your f<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>gers<br />
p<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ched between <strong>the</strong> forks and <strong>the</strong> spokes of <strong>the</strong> wheel. I<br />
replied I was c<strong>on</strong>v<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ced, from my own experience, that <strong>the</strong>re<br />
was much truth <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> what he said. He wrapped himself up <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> a<br />
couple of dusters, and we commenced aga<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>. At length we did<br />
get <strong>the</strong> th<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to positi<strong>on</strong>; and <strong>the</strong> moment it was <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> positi<strong>on</strong><br />
he burst out laugh<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g.<br />
I said: “What’s <strong>the</strong> joke?”<br />
He said: “Well, I am an ass!”