Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 228 — every fool has thought of <strong>in</strong> connection with cycl<strong>in</strong>g you have tried. Your guardian angel appears to be a capable and conscientious spirit, and hitherto she has seen you through; take my advice and don’t try her too far. She must have had a busy time s<strong>in</strong>ce you started cycl<strong>in</strong>g. Don’t go on till you make her mad.” He said: “If every man talked like that there would be no advancement made <strong>in</strong> any department of life. If nobody ever tried a new th<strong>in</strong>g the world would come to a standstill. It is by —” “I know all that can be said on that side of the argument,” I <strong>in</strong>terrupted. “I agree <strong>in</strong> try<strong>in</strong>g new experiments up to thirtyfive; after thirty-five I consider a man is entitled to th<strong>in</strong>k of himself. You and I have done our duty <strong>in</strong> this direction, you especially. You have been blown up by a patent gas lamp —” He said: “I really th<strong>in</strong>k, you know, that was my fault; I th<strong>in</strong>k I must have screwed it up too tight.” I said: “I am quite will<strong>in</strong>g to believe that if there was a wrong way of handl<strong>in</strong>g the th<strong>in</strong>g that is the way you handle it. You should take that tendency of yours <strong>in</strong>to consideration; it bears upon the argument. Myself, I did not notice what you did; I only know we were rid<strong>in</strong>g peacefully and pleasantly along the Whitby Road, discuss<strong>in</strong>g the Thirty Years’ War, when your lamp went off like a pistol-shot. The start sent me <strong>in</strong>to the ditch; and your wife’s face, when I told her there was noth<strong>in</strong>g the matter and that she was not to worry, because the two men would carry you upstairs, and the doctor would be round <strong>in</strong> a m<strong>in</strong>ute br<strong>in</strong>g<strong>in</strong>g the nurse with him, still l<strong>in</strong>gers <strong>in</strong> my memory.” He said: “I wish you had thought to pick up the lamp. I should like to have found out what was the cause of its go<strong>in</strong>g off like that.” I said: “There was not time to pick up the lamp. I calculate it would have taken two hours to have collected it. As to its ‘go<strong>in</strong>g off,’ the mere fact of its be<strong>in</strong>g advertised as the safest lamp ever <strong>in</strong>vented would of itself, to anyone but you, have suggested accident. Then there was that electric lamp,” I cont<strong>in</strong>ued.
— 229 — “Well, that really did give a f<strong>in</strong>e light,” he replied; “you said so yourself.” I said: “It gave a brilliant light <strong>in</strong> the K<strong>in</strong>g’s Road, Brighton, and frightened a horse. The moment we got <strong>in</strong>to the dark beyond Kemp Town it went out, and you were summoned for rid<strong>in</strong>g without a light. You may remember that on sunny afternoons you used to ride about with that lamp sh<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g for all it was worth. When light<strong>in</strong>g-up time came it was naturally tired, and wanted a rest.” “It was a bit irritat<strong>in</strong>g, that lamp,” he murmured; “I remember it.” I said: “It irritated me; it must have been worse for you. Then there are saddles,” I went on — I wished to get this lesson home to him. “Can you th<strong>in</strong>k of any saddle ever advertised that you have not tried?” He said: “It has been an idea of m<strong>in</strong>e that the right saddle is to be found.” I said: “You give up that idea; this is an imperfect world of joy and sorrow m<strong>in</strong>gled. There may be a better land where bicycle saddles are made out of ra<strong>in</strong>bow, stuffed with cloud; <strong>in</strong> this world the simplest th<strong>in</strong>g is to get used to someth<strong>in</strong>g hard. There was that saddle you bought <strong>in</strong> Birm<strong>in</strong>gham; it was divided <strong>in</strong> the middle, and looked like a pair of kidneys.” He said: “You mean that one constructed on anatomical pr<strong>in</strong>ciples.” “Very likely,” I replied. “The box you bought it <strong>in</strong> had a picture on the cover, represent<strong>in</strong>g a sitt<strong>in</strong>g skeleton — or rather that part of a skeleton which does sit.” He said: “It was quite correct; it showed you the true position of the —” I said: “We will not go <strong>in</strong>to details; the picture always seemed to me <strong>in</strong>delicate.” He said: “Medically speak<strong>in</strong>g, it was right.” “Possibly,” I said, “for a man who rode <strong>in</strong> noth<strong>in</strong>g but his bones. I only know that I tried it myself, and that to a man who wore flesh it was agony. Every time you went over a stone or a
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
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— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
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— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
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— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178: — 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180: — 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182: — 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184: — 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186: — 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188: — 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190: — 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192: — 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194: — 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196: — 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198: — 197 — lookin
Page 199: THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203: — 202 — George would make. A ba
Page 204 and 205: — 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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Page 208 and 209: — 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211: — 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213: — 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215: — 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217: — 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219: — 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221: — 220 — “She’s goin
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Page 224 and 225: — 224 — In this way he sped mer
Page 226 and 227: — 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 230 and 231: — 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233: — 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235: — 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237: — 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239: — 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241: — 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243: — 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245: — 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247: — 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249: — 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251: — 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253: — 252 — Taking
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Page 256 and 257: — 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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Page 260 and 261: — 260 — We gave them hi
Page 262 and 263: — 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265: — 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
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— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
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— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
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— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
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— 294 — “‘I have said it th
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— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
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— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
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— 304 — only remember that <str
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— 306 — He stood there with his
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— 308 — George and I followed s
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— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
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— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
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— 314 — (George says he did not
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— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
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— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
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— 330 — contin
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— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
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— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
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— 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
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— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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