Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 330 — cont<strong>in</strong>ued <strong>in</strong> dogged dumbness, until it was aga<strong>in</strong> broken by George. “What bicycle did you say this was of yours?” asked George. Harris told him. I forget of what particular manufacture it happened to be; it is immaterial. “Are you sure?” persisted George. “Of course I am sure,” answered Harris. “Why, what’s the matter with it?” “Well, it doesn’t come up to the poster,” said George, “that’s all.” “What poster?” asked Harris. “The poster advertis<strong>in</strong>g this particular brand of cycle,” expla<strong>in</strong>ed George. “I was look<strong>in</strong>g at one on a hoard<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> Sloane Street only a day or two before we started. A man was rid<strong>in</strong>g this make of mach<strong>in</strong>e, a man with a banner <strong>in</strong> his hand: he wasn’t do<strong>in</strong>g any work, that was clear as daylight; he was just sitt<strong>in</strong>g on the th<strong>in</strong>g and dr<strong>in</strong>k<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the air. The cycle was go<strong>in</strong>g of its own accord, and go<strong>in</strong>g well. This th<strong>in</strong>g of yours leaves all the work to me. It is a lazy brute of a mach<strong>in</strong>e; if you don’t shove, it simply does noth<strong>in</strong>g: I should compla<strong>in</strong> about it, if I were you.” When one comes to th<strong>in</strong>k of it, few bicycles do realise the poster. On only one poster that I can recollect have I seen the rider represented as do<strong>in</strong>g any work. But then this man was be<strong>in</strong>g pursued by a bull. In ord<strong>in</strong>ary cases the object of the artist is to conv<strong>in</strong>ce the hesitat<strong>in</strong>g neophyte that the sport of bicycl<strong>in</strong>g consists <strong>in</strong> sitt<strong>in</strong>g on a luxurious saddle, and be<strong>in</strong>g moved rapidly <strong>in</strong> the direction you wish to go by unseen heavenly powers. Generally speak<strong>in</strong>g, the rider is a lady, and then one feels that, for perfect bodily rest comb<strong>in</strong>ed with entire freedom from mental anxiety, slumber upon a water-bed cannot compare with bicycle-rid<strong>in</strong>g upon a hilly road. No fairy travell<strong>in</strong>g on a summer cloud could take th<strong>in</strong>gs more easily than does the bicycle girl, accord<strong>in</strong>g to the poster. Her costume for cycl<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> hot weather is ideal. Old-fashioned landladies might
— 331 — refuse her lunch, it is true; and a narrowm<strong>in</strong>ded police force might desire to secure her, and wrap her <strong>in</strong> a rug prelim<strong>in</strong>ary to summons<strong>in</strong>g her. But such she heeds not. Uphill and downhill, through traffic that might tax the <strong>in</strong>genuity of a cat, over road surfaces calculated to break the average steam roller she passes, a vision of idle lovel<strong>in</strong>ess; her fair hair stream<strong>in</strong>g to the w<strong>in</strong>d, her sylph-like form poised airily, one foot upon the saddle, the other rest<strong>in</strong>g lightly upon the lamp. Sometimes she condescends to sit down on the saddle; then she puts her feet on the rests, lights a cigarette, and waves above her head a Ch<strong>in</strong>ese lantern. Less often, it is a mere male th<strong>in</strong>g that rides the mach<strong>in</strong>e. He is not so accomplished an acrobat as is the lady; but simple tricks, such as stand<strong>in</strong>g on the saddle and wav<strong>in</strong>g flags, dr<strong>in</strong>k<strong>in</strong>g beer or beef-tea while rid<strong>in</strong>g, he can and does perform. Someth<strong>in</strong>g, one supposes, he must do to occupy his m<strong>in</strong>d: sitt<strong>in</strong>g still hour after hour on this mach<strong>in</strong>e, hav<strong>in</strong>g no work to do, noth<strong>in</strong>g to th<strong>in</strong>k about, must pall upon any man of active temperament. Thus it is that we see him ris<strong>in</strong>g on his pedals as he nears the top of some high hill to apostrophise the sun, or address poetry to the surround<strong>in</strong>g scenery. Occasionally the poster pictures a pair of cyclists; and then one grasps the fact how much superior for purposes of flirtation is the modern bicycle to the old-fashioned parlour or the played-out garden gate. He and she mount their bicycles, be<strong>in</strong>g careful, of course, that such are of the right make. After that they have noth<strong>in</strong>g to th<strong>in</strong>k about but the old sweet tale. Down shady lanes, through busy towns on market days, merrily roll the wheels of the “Bermondsey Company’s Bottom Bracket Brita<strong>in</strong>’s Best,” or of the “Camberwell Company’s Jo<strong>in</strong>tless Eureka.” They need no pedall<strong>in</strong>g; they require no guid<strong>in</strong>g. Give them their heads, and tell them what time you want to get home, and that is all they ask. While Edw<strong>in</strong> leans from his saddle to whisper the dear old noth<strong>in</strong>gs <strong>in</strong> Angel<strong>in</strong>a’s ear, while Angel<strong>in</strong>a’s face, to hide its blushes, is turned towards the horizon at the back, the magic bicycles pursue their even course.
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
Page 19 and 20:
— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
Page 25 and 26:
— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
Page 27 and 28:
— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
Page 33 and 34:
— 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36:
— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41 and 42:
— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
Page 47 and 48:
— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
Page 49 and 50:
— 49 — longed spell of grand we
Page 51 and 52:
— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54:
— 53 — should all know when we
Page 55 and 56:
— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
Page 57 and 58:
— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64:
— 63 — on until, at last, they
Page 65 and 66:
— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80:
— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88:
— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90:
— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
Page 91 and 92:
— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
Page 101 and 102:
— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
Page 115 and 116:
— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130:
— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
Page 133 and 134:
— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140:
— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148:
— 147 — which he evidently wish
Page 149 and 150:
— 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152:
— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162:
— 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164:
— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170:
— 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172:
— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196:
— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211:
— 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213:
— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233:
— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237:
— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241:
— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253:
— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277:
— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
Page 282 and 283: — 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
Page 286 and 287: — 286 — in pub
Page 288 and 289: — 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297: — 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299: — 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317: — 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323: — 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341: — 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357: — 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365: — 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367: — 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369: — 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371: — 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373: — 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375: — 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377: — 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379: — 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385:
— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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