Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 298 — else <strong>in</strong> this world; a yard or so of art musl<strong>in</strong> at the most. On the Cont<strong>in</strong>ent she dispenses, so far as one can judge, with every other necessity of life. Not only is cocoa food and dr<strong>in</strong>k to her, it should be clothes also, accord<strong>in</strong>g to the idea of the cocoa manufacturer. But this by the way. Of course, they immediately became the centre of attraction. By be<strong>in</strong>g able to render them some slight assistance, I ga<strong>in</strong>ed the advantage of five m<strong>in</strong>utes’ conversation with them. They were very affable. The gentleman told me his name was Jones, and that he came from Manchester, but he did not seem to know what part of Manchester, or where Manchester was. I asked him where he was go<strong>in</strong>g to, but he evidently did not know. He said it depended. I asked him if he did not f<strong>in</strong>d an alpenstock a clumsy th<strong>in</strong>g to walk about with through a crowded town; he admitted that occasionally it did get <strong>in</strong> the way. I asked him if he did not f<strong>in</strong>d a veil <strong>in</strong>terfere with his view of th<strong>in</strong>gs; he expla<strong>in</strong>ed that you only wore it when the flies became troublesome. I enquired of the lady if she did not f<strong>in</strong>d the w<strong>in</strong>d blow cold; she said she had noticed it, especially at the corners. I did not ask these questions one after another as I have here put them down; I mixed them up with general conversation, and we parted on good terms. I have pondered much upon the apparition, and have come to a def<strong>in</strong>ite op<strong>in</strong>ion. A man I met later at Frankfort, and to whom I described the pair, said he had seen them himself <strong>in</strong> Paris, three weeks after the term<strong>in</strong>ation of the Fashoda <strong>in</strong>cident; while a traveller for some English steel works whom we met <strong>in</strong> Strassburg remembered hav<strong>in</strong>g seen them <strong>in</strong> Berl<strong>in</strong> dur<strong>in</strong>g the excitement caused by the Transvaal question. My conclusion is that they were actors out of work, hired to do this th<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the <strong>in</strong>terest of <strong>in</strong>ternational peace. The French Foreign Office, wishful to allay the anger of the Parisian mob clamour<strong>in</strong>g for war with England, secured this admirable couple and sent them round the town. You cannot be amused at a th<strong>in</strong>g, and at the same time want to kill it. The French nation saw the English citizen and citizeness — no caricature, but the
— 299 — liv<strong>in</strong>g reality — and their <strong>in</strong>dignation exploded <strong>in</strong> laughter. The success of the stratagem prompted them later on to offer their services to the German Government, with the beneficial results that we all know. Our own Government might learn the lesson. It might be as well to keep near Down<strong>in</strong>g Street a few small, fat Frenchmen, to be sent round the country when occasion called for it, shrugg<strong>in</strong>g their shoulders and eat<strong>in</strong>g frog sandwiches; or a file of untidy, lank-haired Germans might be reta<strong>in</strong>ed, to walk about, smok<strong>in</strong>g long pipes, say<strong>in</strong>g “So.” The public would laugh and exclaim, “War with such? It would be too absurd.” Fail<strong>in</strong>g the Government, I recommend the scheme to the Peace Society. Our visit to Prague we were compelled to lengthen somewhat. Prague is one of the most <strong>in</strong>terest<strong>in</strong>g towns <strong>in</strong> Europe. Its stones are saturated with history and romance; its every suburb must have been a battlefield. It is the town that conceived the Reformation and hatched the Thirty Years’ War. But half Prague’s troubles, one imag<strong>in</strong>es, might have been saved to it, had it possessed w<strong>in</strong>dows less large and tempt<strong>in</strong>gly convenient. The first of these mighty catastrophes it set roll<strong>in</strong>g by throw<strong>in</strong>g the seven Catholic councillors from the w<strong>in</strong>dows of its Rathhaus on to the pikes of the Hussites below. Later, it gave the signal for the second by aga<strong>in</strong> throw<strong>in</strong>g the Imperial councillors from the w<strong>in</strong>dows of the old Burg <strong>in</strong> the Hradsch<strong>in</strong> — Prague’s second “Fenstersturz.” S<strong>in</strong>ce, other fateful questions have been decide <strong>in</strong> Prague, one assumes from their hav<strong>in</strong>g been concluded without violence that such must have been discussed <strong>in</strong> cellars. The w<strong>in</strong>dow, as an argument, one feels, would always have proved too strong a temptation to any true-born Praguer. In the Teynkirche stands the worm-eaten pulpit from which preached John Huss. One may hear from the selfsame desk to-day the voice of a Papist priest, while <strong>in</strong> far-off Constance a rude block of stone, half ivy hidden, marks the spot where Huss and Jerome died burn<strong>in</strong>g at the stake. History is fond of her little ironies. In this same Teynkirche lies buried Tycho
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
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— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
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— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
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— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
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— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249: — 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251: — 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253: — 252 — Taking
Page 254 and 255: — 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257: — 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
Page 258 and 259: — 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261: — 260 — We gave them hi
Page 262 and 263: — 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265: — 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279: — 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
Page 282 and 283: — 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
Page 286 and 287: — 286 — in pub
Page 288 and 289: — 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297: — 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317: — 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323: — 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331: — 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341: — 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
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— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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