Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 314 — (George says he did not “refuse”; he simply told the man he had not got it.) Third s<strong>in</strong>: (a) Travell<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> carriage of superior class to that for which ticket was held. (b) Refus<strong>in</strong>g to pay difference when demanded by an official. (Aga<strong>in</strong> George disputes the accuracy of the report. He turned his pockets out, and offered the man all he had, which was about eightpence <strong>in</strong> German money. He offered to go <strong>in</strong>to a third class, but there was no third class. He offered to go <strong>in</strong>to the goods van, but they would not hear of it.) Fourth s<strong>in</strong>: (a) Occupy<strong>in</strong>g seat, and not pay<strong>in</strong>g for same. (b) Loiter<strong>in</strong>g about corridor. (As they would not let him sit down without pay<strong>in</strong>g, and as he could not pay, it was difficult to see what else he could do.) But explanations are held as no excuse <strong>in</strong> Germany; and his journey from Carlsruhe to Baden was one of the most expensive perhaps on record. Reflect<strong>in</strong>g upon the case and frequency with which one gets <strong>in</strong>to trouble here <strong>in</strong> Germany, one is led to the conclusion that this country would come as a boon and a bless<strong>in</strong>g to the average young Englishman. To the medical student, to the eater of d<strong>in</strong>ners at the Temple, to the subaltern on leave, life <strong>in</strong> London is a wearisome proceed<strong>in</strong>g. The healthy Briton takes his pleasure lawlessly, or it is no pleasure to him. Noth<strong>in</strong>g that he may do affords to him any genu<strong>in</strong>e satisfaction. To be <strong>in</strong> trouble of some sort is his only idea of bliss. Now, England affords him small opportunity <strong>in</strong> this respect; to get himself <strong>in</strong>to a scrape requires a good deal of persistence on the part of the young Englishman. I spoke on this subject one day with our senior churchwarden. It was the morn<strong>in</strong>g of the 10th of November, and we were both of us glanc<strong>in</strong>g, somewhat anxiously, through the police reports. The usual batch of young men had been summoned
— 315 — for creat<strong>in</strong>g the usual disturbance the night before at the Criterion. My friend the churchwarden has boys of his own, and a nephew of m<strong>in</strong>e, upon whom I am keep<strong>in</strong>g a fatherly eye, is by a fond mother supposed to be <strong>in</strong> London for the sole purpose of study<strong>in</strong>g eng<strong>in</strong>eer<strong>in</strong>g. No names we knew happened, by fortunate chance, to be <strong>in</strong> the list of those deta<strong>in</strong>ed <strong>in</strong> custody, and, relieved, we fell to moralis<strong>in</strong>g upon the folly and depravity of youth. “It is very remarkable,” said my friend the churchwarden, “how the Criterion reta<strong>in</strong>s its position <strong>in</strong> this respect. It was just so when I was young; the even<strong>in</strong>g always wound up with a row at the Criterion.” “So mean<strong>in</strong>gless,” I remarked. “So monotonous,” he replied. “You have no idea,” he cont<strong>in</strong>ued, a dreamy expression steal<strong>in</strong>g over his furrowed face, “how unutterably tired one can become of the walk from Piccadilly Circus to the V<strong>in</strong>e Street Police Court. Yet, what else was there for us to do? Simply noth<strong>in</strong>g. Sometimes we would put out a street lamp, and a man would come round and light it aga<strong>in</strong>. If one <strong>in</strong>sulted a policeman, he simply took no notice. He did not even know he was be<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong>sulted; or, if he did, he seemed not to care. You could fight a Covent Garden porter, if you fancied yourself at that sort of th<strong>in</strong>g. Generally speak<strong>in</strong>g, the porter got the best of it; and when he did it cost you five shill<strong>in</strong>gs, and when he did not the price was half a sovereign. I could never see much excitement <strong>in</strong> that particular sport. I tried driv<strong>in</strong>g a hansom cab once. That has always been regarded as the acme of modern Tom and Jerryism. I stole it late one night from outside a public-house <strong>in</strong> Dean Street, and the first th<strong>in</strong>g that happened to me was that I was hailed <strong>in</strong> Golden Square by an old lady surrounded by three children, two of them cry<strong>in</strong>g and the third one half asleep. Before I could get away she had shot the brats <strong>in</strong>to the cab, taken my number, paid me, so she said, a shill<strong>in</strong>g over the legal fare, and directed me to an address a little beyond what she called North Kens<strong>in</strong>gton. As a matter of fact, the place turned out to be the other side of Willesden. The
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
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— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
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— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
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— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
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— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
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— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
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— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
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— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
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— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
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— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
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— 218 — Do you thin</st
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— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
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— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
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— 248 — and reflectin</
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— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
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— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
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— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265: — 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279: — 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
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Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297: — 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299: — 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
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Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331: — 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
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Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357: — 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
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— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
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— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
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— 378 — She pushed open the doo
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— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
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— 386 — Possibly, he will have
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— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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