Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 26 — CHAPTER III. Arrangements settled. — Harris’s method of do<strong>in</strong>g work. — How the elderly family-man puts up a picture. — George makes a sensible, remark. — Delights of early morn<strong>in</strong>g bath<strong>in</strong>g. — Provisions for gett<strong>in</strong>g upset. SO, on the follow<strong>in</strong>g even<strong>in</strong>g, we aga<strong>in</strong> assembled, to discuss and arrange our plans. Harris said: “Now, the first th<strong>in</strong>g to settle is what to take with us. Now, you get a bit of paper and write down, J., and you get the grocery catalogue, George, and somebody give me a bit of pencil, and then I’ll make out a list.” That’s Harris all over — so ready to take the burden of everyth<strong>in</strong>g himself, and put it on the backs of other people. He always rem<strong>in</strong>ds me of my poor Uncle Podger. You never saw such a commotion up and down a house, <strong>in</strong> all your life, as when my Uncle Podger undertook to do a job. A picture would have come home from the frame-maker’s, and be stand<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the d<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g-room, wait<strong>in</strong>g to be put up; and Aunt Podger would ask what was to be done with it, and Uncle Podger would say: “Oh, you leave that to me. Don’t you, any of you, worry yourselves about that. I’ll do all that.” And then he would take off his coat, and beg<strong>in</strong>. He would send the girl out for sixpen’orth of nails, and then one of the boys after her to tell her what size to get; and, from that, he would gradually work down, and start the whole house. “Now you go and get me my hammer, Will,” he would shout; “and you br<strong>in</strong>g me the rule, Tom; and I shall want the step-ladder, and I had better have a kitchen-chair, too; and, Jim! you run round to Mr. Goggles, and tell him, ‘Pa’s k<strong>in</strong>d regards, and hopes his leg’s better; and will he lend him his spirit-level?’ And don’t you go, Maria, because I shall want somebody to hold me the light; and when the girl comes back, she must go out aga<strong>in</strong> for a bit of picture-cord; and Tom! — where’s Tom? — Tom, you come here; I shall want you to hand me up the picture.”
— 27 — And then he would lift up the picture, and drop it, and it would come out of the frame, and he would try to save the glass, and cut himself; and then he would spr<strong>in</strong>g round the room, look<strong>in</strong>g for his handkerchief. He could not f<strong>in</strong>d his handkerchief, because it was <strong>in</strong> the pocket of the coat he had taken off, and he did not know where he had put the coat, and all the house had to leave off look<strong>in</strong>g for his tools, and start look<strong>in</strong>g for his coat; while he would dance round and h<strong>in</strong>der them. “Doesn’t anybody <strong>in</strong> the whole house know where my coat is? I never came across such a set <strong>in</strong> all my life — upon my word I didn’t. Six of you! — and you can’t f<strong>in</strong>d a coat that I put down not five m<strong>in</strong>utes ago! Well, of all the —” Then he’d get up, and f<strong>in</strong>d that he had been sitt<strong>in</strong>g on it, and would call out: “Oh, you can give it up! I’ve found it myself now. Might just as well ask the cat to f<strong>in</strong>d anyth<strong>in</strong>g as expect you people to f<strong>in</strong>d it.” And, when half an hour had been spent <strong>in</strong> ty<strong>in</strong>g up his f<strong>in</strong>ger, and a new glass had been got, and the tools, and the ladder, and the chair, and the candle had been brought, he would have another go, the whole family, <strong>in</strong>clud<strong>in</strong>g the girl and the charwoman, stand<strong>in</strong>g round <strong>in</strong> a semi-circle, ready to help. Two people would have to hold the chair, and a third would help him up on it, and hold him there, and a fourth would hand him a nail, and a fifth would pass him up the hammer, and he would take hold of the nail, and drop it. “There!” he would say, <strong>in</strong> an <strong>in</strong>jured tone, “now the nail’s gone.” And we would all have to go down on our knees and grovel for it, while he would stand on the chair, and grunt, and want to know if he was to be kept there all the even<strong>in</strong>g. The nail would be found at last, but by that time he would have lost the hammer. “Where’s the hammer? What did I do with the hammer? Great heavens! Seven of you, gap<strong>in</strong>g round there, and you don’t know what I did with the hammer!”
Page 1: Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
Page 4 and 5: PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
Page 6 and 7: dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
Page 9 and 10: CHAPTER I. Three I
Page 11 and 12: — 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
Page 13 and 14: — 13 — make me feel more anxiou
Page 15 and 16: — 15 — I am told; and was event
Page 17 and 18: — 17 — boat-loads of them; but
Page 19 and 20: — 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
Page 21 and 22: — 21 — deep below the wav<stron
Page 23 and 24: — 23 — comes, however, and all
Page 25: — 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
Page 29 and 30: — 29 — blow, the nail would go
Page 31 and 32: — 31 — whether you have ever se
Page 33 and 34: — 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36: — 35 — At the end of that trip
Page 37 and 38: — 37 — little thin</str
Page 39 and 40: — 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41 and 42: — 41 — “Ain
Page 43 and 44: — 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46: — 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
Page 47 and 48: — 47 — fatalities, and the weat
Page 49 and 50: — 49 — longed spell of grand we
Page 51 and 52: — 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54: — 53 — should all know when we
Page 55 and 56: — 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
Page 57 and 58: — 57 — be that of the average h
Page 59 and 60: — 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62: — 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64: — 63 — on until, at last, they
Page 65 and 66: — 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
Page 67 and 68: — 67 — worn in
Page 69 and 70: — 69 — down on your — I mean
Page 71 and 72: — 71 — about, makin</st
Page 73 and 74: — 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
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— 103 — “What’s the matter,
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— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
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— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
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— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
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— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
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— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
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— 218 — Do you thin</st
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— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
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— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
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— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
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— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
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— 248 — and reflectin</
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— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
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— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
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— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
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— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
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— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
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— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
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— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
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— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
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— 294 — “‘I have said it th
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— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
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— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311:
— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
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— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319:
— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
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— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345:
— 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347:
— 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349:
— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351:
— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357:
— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359:
— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363:
— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371:
— 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373:
— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385:
— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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