Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 56 — and complicated oaths. They were upraised <strong>in</strong> the days “when men knew how to build.” The hard red bricks have only grown more firmly set with time, and their oak stairs do not creak and grunt when you try to go down them quietly. Speak<strong>in</strong>g of oak staircases rem<strong>in</strong>ds me that there is a magnificent carved oak staircase <strong>in</strong> one of the houses <strong>in</strong> K<strong>in</strong>gston. It is a shop now, <strong>in</strong> the market-place, but it was evidently once the mansion of some great personage. A friend of m<strong>in</strong>e, who lives at K<strong>in</strong>gston, went <strong>in</strong> there to buy a hat one day, and, <strong>in</strong> a thoughtless moment, put his hand <strong>in</strong> his pocket and paid for it then and there. The shopman (he knows my friend) was naturally a little staggered at first; but, quickly recover<strong>in</strong>g himself, and feel<strong>in</strong>g that someth<strong>in</strong>g ought to be done to encourage this sort of th<strong>in</strong>g, asked our hero if he would like to see some f<strong>in</strong>e old carved oak. My friend said he would, and the shopman, thereupon, took him through the shop, and up the staircase of the house. The balusters were a superb piece of workmanship, and the wall all the way up was oak-panelled, with carv<strong>in</strong>g that would have done credit to a palace. From the stairs, they went <strong>in</strong>to the draw<strong>in</strong>g-room, which was a large, bright room, decorated with a somewhat startl<strong>in</strong>g though cheerful paper of a blue ground. There was noth<strong>in</strong>g, however, remarkable about the apartment, and my friend wondered why he had been brought there. The proprietor went up to the paper, and tapped it. It gave forth a wooden sound. “Oak,” he expla<strong>in</strong>ed. “All carved oak, right up to the ceil<strong>in</strong>g, just the same as you saw on the staircase.” “But, great Cæsar! man,” expostulated my friend; “you don’t mean to say you have covered over carved oak with blue wallpaper?” “Yes,” was the reply: “it was expensive work. Had to matchboard it all over first, of course. But the room looks cheerful now. It was awful gloomy before.” I can’t say I altogether blame the man (which is doubtless a great relief to his m<strong>in</strong>d). From his po<strong>in</strong>t of view, which would
— 57 — be that of the average householder, desir<strong>in</strong>g to take life as lightly as possible, and not that of the old-curiosity-shop maniac, there is reason on his side. Carved oak is very pleasant to look at, and to have a little of, but it is no doubt somewhat depress<strong>in</strong>g to live <strong>in</strong>, for those whose fancy does not lie that way. It would be like liv<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> a church. No, what was sad <strong>in</strong> his case was that he, who didn’t care for carved oak, should have his draw<strong>in</strong>g-room panelled with it, while people who do care for it have to pay enormous prices to get it. It seems to be the rule of this world. Each person has what he doesn’t want, and other people have what he does want. Married men have wives, and don’t seem to want them; and young s<strong>in</strong>gle fellows cry out that they can’t get them. Poor people who can hardly keep themselves have eight hearty children. Rich old couples, with no one to leave their money to, die childless. Then there are girls with lovers. The girls that have lovers never want them. They say they would rather be without them, that they bother them, and why don’t they go and make love to Miss Smith and Miss Brown, who are pla<strong>in</strong> and elderly, and haven’t got any lovers? They themselves don’t want lovers. They never mean to marry. It does not do to dwell on these th<strong>in</strong>gs; it makes one so sad. There was a boy at our school, we used to call him Sandford and Merton. His real name was Stivv<strong>in</strong>gs. He was the most extraord<strong>in</strong>ary lad I ever came across. I believe he really liked study. He used to get <strong>in</strong>to awful rows for sitt<strong>in</strong>g up <strong>in</strong> bed and read<strong>in</strong>g Greek; and as for French irregular verbs there was simply no keep<strong>in</strong>g him away from them. He was full of weird and unnatural notions about be<strong>in</strong>g a credit to his parents and an honour to the school; and he yearned to w<strong>in</strong> prizes, and grow up and be a clever man, and had all those sorts of weakm<strong>in</strong>ded ideas. I never knew such a strange creature, yet harmless, m<strong>in</strong>d you, as the babe unborn. Well, that boy used to get ill about twice a week, so that he
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
Page 6 and 7: dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
Page 9 and 10: CHAPTER I. Three I
Page 11 and 12: — 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
Page 13 and 14: — 13 — make me feel more anxiou
Page 15 and 16: — 15 — I am told; and was event
Page 17 and 18: — 17 — boat-loads of them; but
Page 19 and 20: — 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
Page 21 and 22: — 21 — deep below the wav<stron
Page 23 and 24: — 23 — comes, however, and all
Page 25 and 26: — 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
Page 27 and 28: — 27 — And then he would lift u
Page 29 and 30: — 29 — blow, the nail would go
Page 31 and 32: — 31 — whether you have ever se
Page 33 and 34: — 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36: — 35 — At the end of that trip
Page 37 and 38: — 37 — little thin</str
Page 39 and 40: — 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41 and 42: — 41 — “Ain
Page 43 and 44: — 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46: — 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
Page 47 and 48: — 47 — fatalities, and the weat
Page 49 and 50: — 49 — longed spell of grand we
Page 51 and 52: — 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54: — 53 — should all know when we
Page 55: — 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
Page 59 and 60: — 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62: — 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64: — 63 — on until, at last, they
Page 65 and 66: — 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
Page 67 and 68: — 67 — worn in
Page 69 and 70: — 69 — down on your — I mean
Page 71 and 72: — 71 — about, makin</st
Page 73 and 74: — 73 — of the river, and was ev
Page 75 and 76: — 75 — by slouchin</str
Page 77 and 78: — 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80: — 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
Page 81 and 82: — 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84: — 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86: — 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88: — 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90: — 89 — or his hat has dropped <
Page 91 and 92: — 91 — did it, and the boat rus
Page 93 and 94: — 93 — twenty min</stro
Page 95 and 96: — 95 — tion; and then we both w
Page 97 and 98: — 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
Page 99 and 100: — 99 — at Harris, began to stru
Page 101 and 102: — 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104: — 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106: — 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130:
— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140:
— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152:
— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158:
— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162:
— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196:
— 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198:
— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211:
— 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213:
— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
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— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241:
— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247:
— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253:
— 252 — Taking
Page 254 and 255:
— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
Page 258 and 259:
— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
Page 262 and 263:
— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267:
— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277:
— 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279:
— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285:
— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293:
— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303:
— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311:
— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313:
— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319:
— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323:
— 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325:
— 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327:
— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329:
— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333:
— 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335:
— 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337:
— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341:
— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345:
— 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347:
— 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349:
— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351:
— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357:
— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359:
— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363:
— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371:
— 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373:
— 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375:
— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385:
— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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