Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 236 — isn’t; it’s a question of what you can get people to believe. Now, between you and me, it don’t look like a last year’s mach<strong>in</strong>e; so far as looks are concerned, it might be a ten-year old. We’ll say noth<strong>in</strong>g about date; we’ll just get what we can.” I left the matter to him, and he got me five pounds, which he said was more than he had expected. There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle: you can “overhaul” it, or you can ride it. On the whole, I am not sure that a man who takes his pleasure overhaul<strong>in</strong>g does not have the best of the barga<strong>in</strong>. He is <strong>in</strong>dependent of the weather and the w<strong>in</strong>d; the state of the roads troubles him not. Give him a screw-hammer, a bundle of rags, an oil-can, and someth<strong>in</strong>g to sit down upon, and he is happy for the day. He has to put up with certa<strong>in</strong> disadvantages, of course; there is no joy without alloy. He himself always looks like a t<strong>in</strong>ker, and his mach<strong>in</strong>e always suggests the idea that, hav<strong>in</strong>g stolen it, he has tried to disguise it; but as he rarely gets beyond the first milestone with it, this, perhaps, does not much matter. The mistake some people make is <strong>in</strong> th<strong>in</strong>k<strong>in</strong>g they can get both forms of sport out of the same mach<strong>in</strong>e. This is impossible; no mach<strong>in</strong>e will stand the double stra<strong>in</strong>. You must make up your m<strong>in</strong>d whether you are go<strong>in</strong>g to be an “overhauler” or a rider. Personally, I prefer to ride, therefore I take care to have near me noth<strong>in</strong>g that can tempt me to overhaul. When anyth<strong>in</strong>g happens to my mach<strong>in</strong>e I wheel it to the nearest repair<strong>in</strong>g shop. If I am too far from the town or village to walk, I sit by the roadside and wait till a cart comes along. My chief danger, I always f<strong>in</strong>d, is from the wander<strong>in</strong>g overhauler. The sight of a broken-down mach<strong>in</strong>e is to the overhauler as a wayside corpse to a crow; he swoops down upon it with a friendly yell of triumph. At first I used to try politeness. I would say: “It is noth<strong>in</strong>g; don’t you trouble. You ride on, and enjoy yourself, I beg it of you as a favour; please go away.” Experience has taught me, however, that courtesy is of no use <strong>in</strong> such an extremity. Now I say:
— 237 — “You go away and leave the th<strong>in</strong>g alone, or I will knock your silly head off.” And if you look determ<strong>in</strong>ed, and have a good stout cudgel <strong>in</strong> your hand, you can generally drive him off. George came <strong>in</strong> later <strong>in</strong> the day. He said: “Well, do you th<strong>in</strong>k everyth<strong>in</strong>g will be ready?” I said: “Everyth<strong>in</strong>g will be ready by Wednesday, except, perhaps, you and Harris.” He said: “Is the tandem all right?” “The tandem,” I said, “is well.” He said: “You don’t th<strong>in</strong>k it wants overhaul<strong>in</strong>g?” I replied: “Age and experience have taught me that there are few matters concern<strong>in</strong>g which a man does well to be positive. Consequently, there rema<strong>in</strong> to me now but a limited number of questions upon which I feel any degree of certa<strong>in</strong>ty. Among such still-unshaken beliefs, however, is the conviction that that tandem does not want overhaul<strong>in</strong>g. I also feel a presentiment that, provided my life is spared, no human be<strong>in</strong>g between now and Wednesday morn<strong>in</strong>g is go<strong>in</strong>g to overhaul it.” George said: “I should not show temper over the matter, if I were you. There will come a day, perhaps not far distant, when that bicycle, with a couple of mounta<strong>in</strong>s between it and the nearest repair<strong>in</strong>g shop, will, <strong>in</strong> spite of your chronic desire for rest, have to be overhauled. Then you will clamour for people to tell you where you put the oil-can, and what you have done with the screw-hammer. Then, while you exert yourself hold<strong>in</strong>g the th<strong>in</strong>g steady aga<strong>in</strong>st a tree, you will suggest that somebody else should clean the cha<strong>in</strong> and pump the back wheel.” I felt there was justice <strong>in</strong> George’s rebuke — also a certa<strong>in</strong> amount of prophetic wisdom. I said: “Forgive me if I seemed unresponsive. The truth is, Harris was round here this morn<strong>in</strong>g —” George said: “Say no more; I understand. Besides, what I came to talk to you about was another matter. Look at that.” He handed me a small book bound <strong>in</strong> red cloth. It was a guide to English conversation for the use of German travel-
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
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— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186: — 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188: — 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190: — 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192: — 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194: — 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196: — 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198: — 197 — lookin
Page 199: THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203: — 202 — George would make. A ba
Page 204 and 205: — 204 — and false-hearted enoug
Page 206 and 207: — 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209: — 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211: — 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213: — 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215: — 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217: — 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219: — 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221: — 220 — “She’s goin
Page 222 and 223: — 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225: — 224 — In this way he sped mer
Page 226 and 227: — 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229: — 228 — every fool has thought
Page 230 and 231: — 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233: — 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235: — 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 238 and 239: — 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241: — 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243: — 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245: — 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247: — 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249: — 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251: — 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253: — 252 — Taking
Page 254 and 255: — 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257: — 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
Page 258 and 259: — 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261: — 260 — We gave them hi
Page 262 and 263: — 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265: — 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279: — 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
Page 282 and 283: — 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
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— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
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— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
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— 304 — only remember that <str
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— 306 — He stood there with his
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— 308 — George and I followed s
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— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
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— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
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— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
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— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
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— 330 — contin
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— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
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— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
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— 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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