Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 374 — his guest gets safely home before the morn<strong>in</strong>g. But, of course, he cannot be expected to remember addresses. A story was told me of three guests to a Berl<strong>in</strong> Kneipe which might have had tragic results. The strangers determ<strong>in</strong>ed to do the th<strong>in</strong>g thoroughly. They expla<strong>in</strong>ed their <strong>in</strong>tention, and were applauded, and each proceeded to write his address upon his card, and p<strong>in</strong> it to the tablecloth <strong>in</strong> front of him. That was the mistake they made. They should, as I have advised, have p<strong>in</strong>ned it carefully to their coats. A man may change his place at a table, quite unconsciously he may come out the other side of it; but wherever he goes he takes his coat with him. Some time <strong>in</strong> the small hours, the chairman suggested that to make th<strong>in</strong>gs more comfortable for those still upright, all the gentlemen unable to keep their heads off the table should be sent home. Among those to whom the proceed<strong>in</strong>gs had become un<strong>in</strong>terest<strong>in</strong>g were the three Englishmen. It was decided to put them <strong>in</strong>to a cab <strong>in</strong> charge of a comparatively speak<strong>in</strong>g sober student, and return them. Had they reta<strong>in</strong>ed their orig<strong>in</strong>al seats throughout the even<strong>in</strong>g all would have been well; but, unfortunately, they had gone walk<strong>in</strong>g about, and which gentleman belonged to which card nobody knew — least of all the guests themselves. In the then state of general cheerfulness, this did not to anybody appear to much matter. There were three gentlemen and three addresses. I suppose the idea was that even if a mistake were made, the parties could be sorted out <strong>in</strong> the morn<strong>in</strong>g. Anyhow, the three gentlemen were put <strong>in</strong>to a cab, the comparatively speak<strong>in</strong>g sober student took the three cards <strong>in</strong> his hand, and the party started amid the cheers and good wishes of the company. There is this advantage about German beer: it does not make a man drunk as the word drunk is understood <strong>in</strong> England. There is noth<strong>in</strong>g objectionable about him; he is simply tired. He does not want to talk; he wants to be let alone, to go to sleep; it does not matter where — anywhere. The conductor of the party stopped his cab at the nearest address. He took out his worst case; it was a natural <strong>in</strong>st<strong>in</strong>ct
— 375 — to get rid of that first. He and the cabman carried it upstairs, and rang the bell of the Pension. A sleepy porter answered it. They carried their burden <strong>in</strong>, and looked for a place to drop it. A bedroom door happened to be open; the room was empty; could anyth<strong>in</strong>g be better? — they took it <strong>in</strong> there. They relieved it of such th<strong>in</strong>gs as came off easily, and laid it <strong>in</strong> the bed. This done, both men, pleased with themselves, returned to the cab. At the next address they stopped aga<strong>in</strong>. This time, <strong>in</strong> answer to their summons, a lady appeared, dressed <strong>in</strong> a tea gown, with a book <strong>in</strong> her hand. The German student looked at the top one of two cards rema<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> his hand, and enquired if he had the pleasure of address<strong>in</strong>g Frau Y. It happened that he had, though so far as any pleasure was concerned that appeared to be entirely on his side. He expla<strong>in</strong>ed to Frau Y. that the gentleman at that moment asleep aga<strong>in</strong>st the wall was her husband. The reunion moved her to no enthusiasm; she simply opened the bedroom door, and then walked away. The cabman and the student took him <strong>in</strong>, and laid him on the bed. They did not trouble to undress him, they were feel<strong>in</strong>g tired! They did not see the lady of the house aga<strong>in</strong>, and retired therefore without adieus. The last card was that of a bachelor stopp<strong>in</strong>g at an hotel. They took their last man, therefore, to that hotel, passed him over to the night porter, and left him. To return to the address at which the first delivery was made, what had happened there was this. Some eight hours previously had said Mr. X. to Mrs. X.: “I th<strong>in</strong>k I told you, my dear, that I had an <strong>in</strong>vitation for this even<strong>in</strong>g to what, I believe, is called a Kneipe?” “You did mention someth<strong>in</strong>g of the sort,” replied Mrs. X. “What is a Kneipe?” “Well, it’s a sort of bachelor party, my dear, where the students meet to s<strong>in</strong>g and talk and — and smoke, and all that sort of th<strong>in</strong>g, you know.” “Oh, well, I hope you will enjoy yourself !” said Mrs. X., who was a nice woman and sensible.
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
Page 25 and 26:
— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
Page 27 and 28:
— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36:
— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41 and 42:
— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
Page 47 and 48:
— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
Page 49 and 50:
— 49 — longed spell of grand we
Page 51 and 52:
— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54:
— 53 — should all know when we
Page 55 and 56:
— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
Page 57 and 58:
— 57 — be that of the average h
Page 59 and 60:
— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64:
— 63 — on until, at last, they
Page 65 and 66:
— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80:
— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88:
— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90:
— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
Page 91 and 92:
— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
Page 95 and 96:
— 95 — tion; and then we both w
Page 97 and 98:
— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
Page 99 and 100:
— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
Page 101 and 102:
— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
Page 107 and 108:
— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
Page 115 and 116:
— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
Page 119 and 120:
— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130:
— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
Page 131 and 132:
— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
Page 133 and 134:
— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140:
— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
Page 143 and 144:
— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148:
— 147 — which he evidently wish
Page 149 and 150:
— 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152:
— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158:
— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162:
— 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164:
— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
Page 167 and 168:
— 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170:
— 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172:
— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196:
— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229:
— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233:
— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237:
— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241:
— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253:
— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279:
— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285:
— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293:
— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303:
— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311:
— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313:
— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329: — 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331: — 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341: — 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357: — 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365: — 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367: — 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369: — 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371: — 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373: — 372 — drink<
Page 376 and 377: — 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379: — 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381: — 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383: — 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385: — 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387: — 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389: — 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391: — 390 — a girl, she never under
Page 392: INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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