Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 42 — to show me how to do it. I made no comment; I only waited. When George is hanged, Harris will be the worst packer <strong>in</strong> this world; and I looked at the piles of plates and cups, and kettles, and bottles and jars, and pies, and stoves, and cakes, and tomatoes, &c., and felt that the th<strong>in</strong>g would soon become excit<strong>in</strong>g. It did. They started with break<strong>in</strong>g a cup. That was the first th<strong>in</strong>g they did. They did that just to show you what they could do, and to get you <strong>in</strong>terested. Then Harris packed the strawberry jam on top of a tomato and squashed it, and they had to pick out the tomato with a teaspoon. And then it was George’s turn, and he trod on the butter. I didn’t say anyth<strong>in</strong>g, but I came over and sat on the edge of the table and watched them. It irritated them more than anyth<strong>in</strong>g I could have said. I felt that. It made them nervous and excited, and they stepped on th<strong>in</strong>gs, and put th<strong>in</strong>gs beh<strong>in</strong>d them, and then couldn’t f<strong>in</strong>d them when they wanted them; and they packed the pies at the bottom, and put heavy th<strong>in</strong>gs on top, and smashed the pies <strong>in</strong>. They upset salt over everyth<strong>in</strong>g, and as for the butter! I never saw two men do more with one-and-twopence worth of butter <strong>in</strong> my whole life than they did. After George had got it off his slipper, they tried to put it <strong>in</strong> the kettle. It wouldn’t go <strong>in</strong>, and what was <strong>in</strong> wouldn’t come out. They did scrape it out at last, and put it down on a chair, and Harris sat on it, and it stuck to him, and they went look<strong>in</strong>g for it all over the room. “I’ll take my oath I put it down on that chair,” said George, star<strong>in</strong>g at the empty seat. “I saw you do it myself, not a m<strong>in</strong>ute ago,” said Harris. Then they started round the room aga<strong>in</strong> look<strong>in</strong>g for it; and then they met aga<strong>in</strong> <strong>in</strong> the centre, and stared at one another. “Most extraord<strong>in</strong>ary th<strong>in</strong>g I ever heard of,” said George. “So mysterious!” said Harris. Then George got round at the back of Harris and saw it. “Why, here it is all the time,” he exclaimed, <strong>in</strong>dignantly. “Where?” cried Harris, sp<strong>in</strong>n<strong>in</strong>g round.
— 43 — “Stand still, can’t you!” roared George, fly<strong>in</strong>g after him. And they got it off, and packed it <strong>in</strong> the teapot. Montmorency was <strong>in</strong> it all, of course. Montmorency’s ambition <strong>in</strong> life, is to get <strong>in</strong> the way and be sworn at. If he can squirm <strong>in</strong> anywhere where he particularly is not wanted, and be a perfect nuisance, and make people mad, and have th<strong>in</strong>gs thrown at his head, then he feels his day has not been wasted. To get somebody to stumble over him, and curse him steadily for an hour, is his highest aim and object; and, when he has succeeded <strong>in</strong> accomplish<strong>in</strong>g this, his conceit becomes quite unbearable. He came and sat down on th<strong>in</strong>gs, just when they were wanted to be packed; and he laboured under the fixed belief that, whenever Harris or George reached out their hand for anyth<strong>in</strong>g, it was his cold, damp nose that they wanted. He put his leg <strong>in</strong>to the jam, and he worried the teaspoons, and he pretended that the lemons were rats, and got <strong>in</strong>to the hamper and killed three of them before Harris could land him with the fry<strong>in</strong>g-pan. Harris said I encouraged him. I didn’t encourage him. A dog like that don’t want any encouragement. It’s the natural, orig<strong>in</strong>al s<strong>in</strong> that is born <strong>in</strong> him that makes him do th<strong>in</strong>gs like that. The pack<strong>in</strong>g was done at 12.50; and Harris sat on the big hamper, and said he hoped noth<strong>in</strong>g would be found broken. George said that if anyth<strong>in</strong>g was broken it was broken, which reflection seemed to comfort him. He also said he was ready for bed. We were all ready for bed. Harris was to sleep with us that night, and we went upstairs. We tossed for beds, and Harris had to sleep with me. He said: “Do you prefer the <strong>in</strong>side or the outside, J.?” I said I generally preferred to sleep <strong>in</strong>side a bed. Harris said it was old. George said: “What time shall I wake you fellows?”
Page 1: Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
Page 4 and 5: PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
Page 6 and 7: dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
Page 9 and 10: CHAPTER I. Three I
Page 11 and 12: — 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
Page 13 and 14: — 13 — make me feel more anxiou
Page 15 and 16: — 15 — I am told; and was event
Page 17 and 18: — 17 — boat-loads of them; but
Page 19 and 20: — 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
Page 21 and 22: — 21 — deep below the wav<stron
Page 23 and 24: — 23 — comes, however, and all
Page 25 and 26: — 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
Page 27 and 28: — 27 — And then he would lift u
Page 29 and 30: — 29 — blow, the nail would go
Page 31 and 32: — 31 — whether you have ever se
Page 33 and 34: — 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36: — 35 — At the end of that trip
Page 37 and 38: — 37 — little thin</str
Page 39 and 40: — 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41: — 41 — “Ain
Page 45 and 46: — 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
Page 47 and 48: — 47 — fatalities, and the weat
Page 49 and 50: — 49 — longed spell of grand we
Page 51 and 52: — 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54: — 53 — should all know when we
Page 55 and 56: — 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
Page 57 and 58: — 57 — be that of the average h
Page 59 and 60: — 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62: — 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64: — 63 — on until, at last, they
Page 65 and 66: — 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
Page 67 and 68: — 67 — worn in
Page 69 and 70: — 69 — down on your — I mean
Page 71 and 72: — 71 — about, makin</st
Page 73 and 74: — 73 — of the river, and was ev
Page 75 and 76: — 75 — by slouchin</str
Page 77 and 78: — 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80: — 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
Page 81 and 82: — 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84: — 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86: — 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88: — 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90: — 89 — or his hat has dropped <
Page 91 and 92: — 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
Page 95 and 96:
— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
Page 107 and 108:
— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
Page 115 and 116:
— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130:
— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198:
— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
Page 204 and 205:
— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211:
— 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213:
— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
Page 222 and 223:
— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
Page 226 and 227:
— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229:
— 228 — every fool has thought
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— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233:
— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237:
— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241:
— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247:
— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253:
— 252 — Taking
Page 254 and 255:
— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
Page 258 and 259:
— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267:
— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279:
— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285:
— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293:
— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303:
— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311:
— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313:
— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319:
— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323:
— 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325:
— 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327:
— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329:
— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333:
— 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335:
— 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337:
— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341:
— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345:
— 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347:
— 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349:
— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351:
— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357:
— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359:
— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363:
— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371:
— 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373:
— 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375:
— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
Page 384 and 385:
— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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