Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
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In <strong>the</strong> centre, fac<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>on</strong>e ano<strong>the</strong>r, stand <strong>the</strong> combatants,<br />
resembl<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g Japanese warriors, as made familiar to us by <strong>the</strong><br />
Japanese tea-tray. Qua<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>t and rigid, with <strong>the</strong>ir goggle-covered<br />
eyes, <strong>the</strong>ir necks tied up <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> comforters, <strong>the</strong>ir bodies smo<strong>the</strong>red<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> what looks like dirty bed quilts, <strong>the</strong>ir padded arms stretched<br />
straight above <strong>the</strong>ir heads, <strong>the</strong>y might be a pair of unga<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ly<br />
clockwork figures. The sec<strong>on</strong>ds, also more or less padded<br />
— <strong>the</strong>ir heads and faces protected by huge lea<strong>the</strong>r-peaked<br />
caps, — drag <strong>the</strong>m out <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to <strong>the</strong>ir proper positi<strong>on</strong>. One almost<br />
listens to hear <strong>the</strong> sound of <strong>the</strong> castors. The umpire takes his<br />
place, <strong>the</strong> word is given, and immediately <strong>the</strong>re follow five<br />
rapid clashes of <strong>the</strong> l<strong>on</strong>g straight swords. There is no <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>terest<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> watch<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>the</strong> fight: <strong>the</strong>re is no movement, no skill, no grace<br />
(I am speak<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g of my own impressi<strong>on</strong>s.) The str<strong>on</strong>gest man<br />
w<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>s; <strong>the</strong> man who, with his heavily-padded arm, always <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g><br />
an unnatural positi<strong>on</strong>, can hold his huge clumsy sword l<strong>on</strong>gest<br />
without grow<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g too weak to be able ei<strong>the</strong>r to guard or to<br />
strike.<br />
The whole <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>terest is centred <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> watch<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>the</strong> wounds. They<br />
come always <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong>e of two places — <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> top of <strong>the</strong> head or<br />
<strong>the</strong> left side of <strong>the</strong> face. Sometimes a porti<strong>on</strong> of hairy scalp or<br />
secti<strong>on</strong> of cheek flies up <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to <strong>the</strong> air, to be carefully preserved<br />
<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> an envelope by its proud possessor, or, strictly speak<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g,<br />
its proud former possessor, and shown round <strong>on</strong> c<strong>on</strong>vivial<br />
even<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>gs; and from every wound, of course, flows a plentiful<br />
stream of blood. It splashes doctors, sec<strong>on</strong>ds, and spectators; it<br />
spr<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>kles ceil<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g and walls; it saturates <strong>the</strong> fighters, and makes<br />
pools for itself <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>the</strong> sawdust. At <strong>the</strong> end of each round <strong>the</strong><br />
doctors rush up, and with hands already dripp<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g with blood<br />
press toge<strong>the</strong>r <strong>the</strong> gap<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g wounds, dabb<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>the</strong>m with little<br />
balls of wet cott<strong>on</strong> wool, which an attendant carries ready <strong>on</strong> a<br />
plate. Naturally, <strong>the</strong> moment <strong>the</strong> men stand up aga<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> and commence<br />
work, <strong>the</strong> blood gushes out aga<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>, half bl<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>d<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>the</strong>m,<br />
and render<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>the</strong> ground beneath <strong>the</strong>m slippery. Now and<br />
<strong>the</strong>n you see a man’s teeth laid bare almost to <strong>the</strong> ear, so that<br />
for <strong>the</strong> rest of <strong>the</strong> duel he appears to be gr<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>n<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g at <strong>on</strong>e half