Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 382 — <strong>in</strong> Germany. If you want to buy or sell a house or field, the State makes out the conveyance. If you have been sw<strong>in</strong>dled, the State takes up the case for you. The State marries you, <strong>in</strong>sures you, will even gamble with you for a trifle. “You get yourself born,” says the German Government to the German citizen, “we do the rest. Indoors and out of doors, <strong>in</strong> sickness and <strong>in</strong> health, <strong>in</strong> pleasure and <strong>in</strong> work, we will tell you what to do, and we will see to it that you do it. Don’t you worry yourself about anyth<strong>in</strong>g.” And the German doesn’t. Where there is no policeman to be found, he wanders about till he comes to a police notice posted on a wall. This he reads; then he goes and does what it says. I remember <strong>in</strong> one German town — I forget which; it is immaterial; the <strong>in</strong>cident could have happened <strong>in</strong> any — notic<strong>in</strong>g an open gate lead<strong>in</strong>g to a garden <strong>in</strong> which a concert was be<strong>in</strong>g given. There was noth<strong>in</strong>g to prevent anyone who chose from walk<strong>in</strong>g through that gate, and thus ga<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g admittance to the concert without pay<strong>in</strong>g. In fact, of the two gates quarter of a mile apart it was the more convenient. Yet of the crowds that passed, not one attempted to enter by that gate. They plodded steadily on under a blaz<strong>in</strong>g sun to the other gate, at which a man stood to collect the entrance money. I have seen German youngsters stand long<strong>in</strong>gly by the marg<strong>in</strong> of a lonely sheet of ice. They could have skated on that ice for hours, and nobody have been the wiser. The crowd and the police were at the other end, more than half a mile away, and round the corner. Noth<strong>in</strong>g stopped their go<strong>in</strong>g on but the knowledge that they ought not. Th<strong>in</strong>gs such as these make one pause to seriously wonder whether the Teuton be a member of the s<strong>in</strong>ful human family or not. Is it not possible that these placid, gentle folk may <strong>in</strong> reality be angels, come down to earth for the sake of a glass of beer, which, as they must know, can only <strong>in</strong> Germany be obta<strong>in</strong>ed worth the dr<strong>in</strong>k<strong>in</strong>g? In Germany the country roads are l<strong>in</strong>ed with fruit trees. There is no voice to stay man or boy from pick<strong>in</strong>g and eat<strong>in</strong>g the fruit, except conscience. In England such a state of th<strong>in</strong>gs
— 383 — would cause public <strong>in</strong>dignation. Children would die of cholera by the hundred. The medical profession would be worked off its legs try<strong>in</strong>g to cope with the natural results of over-<strong>in</strong>dulgence <strong>in</strong> sour apples and unripe walnuts. Public op<strong>in</strong>ion would demand that these fruit trees should be fenced about, and thus rendered harmless. Fruit growers, to save themselves the expense of walls and pal<strong>in</strong>gs, would not be allowed <strong>in</strong> this manner to spread sickness and death throughout the community. But <strong>in</strong> Germany a boy will walk for miles down a lonely road, hedged with fruit trees, to buy a pennyworth of pears <strong>in</strong> the village at the other end. To pass these unprotected fruit trees, droop<strong>in</strong>g under their burden of ripe fruit, strikes the Anglo-Saxon m<strong>in</strong>d as a wicked waste of opportunity, a flout<strong>in</strong>g of the blessed gifts of Providence. I do not know if it be so, but from what I have observed of the German character I should not be surprised to hear that when a man <strong>in</strong> Germany is condemned to death he is given a piece of rope, and told to go and hang himself. It would save the State much trouble and expense, and I can see that German crim<strong>in</strong>al tak<strong>in</strong>g that piece of rope home with him, read<strong>in</strong>g up carefully the police <strong>in</strong>structions, and proceed<strong>in</strong>g to carry them out <strong>in</strong> his own back kitchen. The Germans are a good people. On the whole, the best people perhaps <strong>in</strong> the world; an amiable, unselfish, k<strong>in</strong>dly people. I am positive that the vast majority of them go to Heaven. Indeed, compar<strong>in</strong>g them with the other Christian nations of the earth, one is forced to the conclusion that Heaven will be chiefly of German manufacture. But I cannot understand how they get there. That the soul of any s<strong>in</strong>gle <strong>in</strong>dividual German has sufficient <strong>in</strong>itiative to fly up by itself and knock at St. Peter’s door, I cannot believe. My own op<strong>in</strong>ion is that they are taken there <strong>in</strong> small companies, and passed <strong>in</strong> under the charge of a dead policeman. Carlyle said of the Prussians, and it is true of the whole German nation, that one of their chief virtues was their power of be<strong>in</strong>g drilled. Of the Germans you might say they are a people
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36:
— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
Page 41 and 42:
— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
Page 47 and 48:
— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
Page 49 and 50:
— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
Page 53 and 54:
— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
Page 57 and 58:
— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64:
— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80:
— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
Page 87 and 88:
— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
Page 89 and 90:
— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
Page 95 and 96:
— 95 — tion; and then we both w
Page 97 and 98:
— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
Page 99 and 100:
— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
Page 101 and 102:
— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
Page 129 and 130:
— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
Page 133 and 134:
— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140:
— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152:
— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158:
— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170:
— 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172:
— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184:
— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188:
— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192:
— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203:
— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209:
— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229:
— 228 — every fool has thought
Page 230 and 231:
— 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233:
— 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235:
— 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237:
— 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239:
— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241:
— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243:
— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245:
— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249:
— 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251:
— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285:
— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293:
— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303:
— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311:
— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313:
— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
Page 328 and 329:
— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333: — 332 — And the sun is always s
Page 334 and 335: — 334 — idleness! How would you
Page 336 and 337: — 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339: — 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
Page 340 and 341: — 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343: — 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345: — 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347: — 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349: — 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351: — 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353: — 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355: — 354 — of those fools that wil
Page 356 and 357: — 356 — was wasted. One felt so
Page 358 and 359: — 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361: — 360 — “we had better make t
Page 362 and 363: — 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365: — 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367: — 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369: — 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371: — 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373: — 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375: — 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377: — 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379: — 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381: — 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 384 and 385: — 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387: — 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389: — 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391: — 390 — a girl, she never under
Page 392: INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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