Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 204 — and false-hearted enough to stoop to such a shabby trick, he supposed he couldn’t help it; and that if I didn’t <strong>in</strong>tend to f<strong>in</strong>ish the whole bottle of claret myself, he would trouble me to spare him a glass. He also added, somewhat illogically, that it really did not matter, see<strong>in</strong>g both Ethelbertha and Mrs. Harris were women of sense who would judge him better than to believe for a moment that the suggestion emanated from him. This little po<strong>in</strong>t settled, the question was: What sort of a change? Harris, as usual, was for the sea. He said he knew a yacht, just the very th<strong>in</strong>g — one that we could manage by ourselves; no skulk<strong>in</strong>g lot of lubbers loaf<strong>in</strong>g about, add<strong>in</strong>g to the expense and tak<strong>in</strong>g away from the romance. Give him a handy boy, he would sail it himself. We knew that yacht, and we told him so; we had been on it with Harris before. It smells of bilge-water and greens to the exclusion of all other scents; no ord<strong>in</strong>ary sea air can hope to head aga<strong>in</strong>st it. So far as sense of smell is concerned, one might be spend<strong>in</strong>g a week <strong>in</strong> Limehouse Hole. There is no place to get out of the ra<strong>in</strong>; the saloon is ten feet by four, and half of that is taken up by a stove, which falls to pieces when you go to light it. You have to take your bath on deck, and the towel blows overboard just as you step out of the tub. Harris and the boy do all the <strong>in</strong>terest<strong>in</strong>g work — the lugg<strong>in</strong>g and the reef<strong>in</strong>g, the lett<strong>in</strong>g her go and the heel<strong>in</strong>g her over, and all that sort of th<strong>in</strong>g, — leav<strong>in</strong>g George and myself to do the peel<strong>in</strong>g of the potatoes and the wash<strong>in</strong>g up. “Very well, then,” said Harris, “let’s take a proper yacht, with a skipper, and do the th<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> style.” That also I objected to. I know that skipper; his notion of yacht<strong>in</strong>g is to lie <strong>in</strong> what he calls the “off<strong>in</strong>g,” where he can be well <strong>in</strong> touch with his wife and family, to say noth<strong>in</strong>g of his favourite public-house. Years ago, when I was young and <strong>in</strong>experienced, I hired a yacht myself. <strong>Three</strong> th<strong>in</strong>gs had comb<strong>in</strong>ed to lead me <strong>in</strong>to this foolishness: I had had a stroke of unexpected luck; Ethelbertha had expressed a yearn<strong>in</strong>g for sea air; and the very next morn-
— 205 — <strong>in</strong>g, <strong>in</strong> tak<strong>in</strong>g up casually at the club a copy of the Sportsman, I had come across the follow<strong>in</strong>g advertisement:— TO YACHTSMEN. — Unique Opportunity. — “Rogue,” 28 -ton Yawl. — Owner, called away suddenly on bus<strong>in</strong>ess, is will<strong>in</strong>g to let this superbly-fitted “greyhound of the sea” for any period short or long. Two cab<strong>in</strong>s and saloon; pianette, by Woffenkoff; new copper. Terms, 10 gu<strong>in</strong>eas a week. — Apply Pertwee and Co., 3A Bucklersbury. It had seemed to me like the answer to a prayer. “The new copper” did not <strong>in</strong>terest me; what little wash<strong>in</strong>g we might want could wait, I thought. But the “pianette by Woffenkoff ” sounded allur<strong>in</strong>g. I pictured Ethelbertha play<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> the even<strong>in</strong>g — someth<strong>in</strong>g with a chorus, <strong>in</strong> which, perhaps, the crew, with a little tra<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g, might jo<strong>in</strong> — while our mov<strong>in</strong>g home bounded, “greyhound-like,” over the silvery billows. I took a cab and drove direct to 3A Bucklersbury. Mr. Pertwee was an unpretentious-look<strong>in</strong>g gentleman, who had an unostentatious office on the third floor. He showed me a picture <strong>in</strong> water-colours of the Rogue fly<strong>in</strong>g before the w<strong>in</strong>d. The deck was at an angle of 95 to the ocean. In the picture no human be<strong>in</strong>gs were represented on the deck; I suppose they had slipped off. Indeed, I do not see how anyone could have kept on, unless nailed. I po<strong>in</strong>ted out this disadvantage to the agent, who, however, expla<strong>in</strong>ed to me that the picture represented the Rogue doubl<strong>in</strong>g someth<strong>in</strong>g or other on the well-known occasion of her w<strong>in</strong>n<strong>in</strong>g the Medway Challenge Shield. Mr. Pertwee assumed that I knew all about the event, so that I did not like to ask any questions. Two specks near the frame of the picture, which at first I had taken for moths, represented, it appeared, the second and third w<strong>in</strong>ners <strong>in</strong> this celebrated race. A photograph of the yacht at anchor off Gravesend was less impressive, but suggested more stability. All answers to my <strong>in</strong>quiries be<strong>in</strong>g satisfactory, I took the th<strong>in</strong>g for a fortnight. Mr. Pertwee said it was fortunate I wanted it only for a fortnight — later on I came
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
Page 63 and 64:
— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
Page 79 and 80:
— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
Page 83 and 84:
— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
Page 135 and 136:
— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140:
— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
Page 143 and 144:
— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148:
— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154: — 153 — We could not pass the w
Page 155 and 156: — 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158: — 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160: — 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162: — 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164: — 163 — crowded with nobility a
Page 165 and 166: — 165 — spare pole with us. I c
Page 167 and 168: — 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170: — 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172: — 171 — be contin</stro
Page 173 and 174: — 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176: — 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178: — 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180: — 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182: — 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184: — 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186: — 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187 and 188: — 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190: — 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
Page 191 and 192: — 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194: — 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196: — 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198: — 197 — lookin
Page 199: THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203: — 202 — George would make. A ba
Page 206 and 207: — 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209: — 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211: — 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213: — 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215: — 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217: — 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219: — 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221: — 220 — “She’s goin
Page 222 and 223: — 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225: — 224 — In this way he sped mer
Page 226 and 227: — 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229: — 228 — every fool has thought
Page 230 and 231: — 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233: — 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235: — 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237: — 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239: — 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241: — 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243: — 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245: — 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247: — 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249: — 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251: — 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253: — 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265:
— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285:
— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291:
— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299:
— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305:
— 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307:
— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311:
— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313:
— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317:
— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321:
— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327:
— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
Page 330 and 331:
— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333:
— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
Page 344 and 345:
— 344 — upon it was due north o
Page 346 and 347:
— 346 — had origin</str
Page 348 and 349:
— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
Page 350 and 351:
— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
Page 370 and 371:
— 370 — ment of the head or bod
Page 372 and 373:
— 372 — drink<
Page 374 and 375:
— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
Page 382 and 383:
— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
Page 390 and 391:
— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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