Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel
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— 24 —<br />
of Oh-what-a-wicked-world-this-is-and-how-I-wish-I-coulddo-someth<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g-to-make-it-better-and-nobler<br />
expressi<strong>on</strong> about<br />
M<strong>on</strong>tmorency that has been known to br<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g <strong>the</strong> tears <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>to <strong>the</strong><br />
eyes of pious old ladies and gentlemen.<br />
When first he came to live at my expense, I never thought I<br />
should be able to get him to stop l<strong>on</strong>g. I used to sit down and<br />
look at him, as he sat <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> rug and looked up at me, and<br />
th<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>k: “Oh, that dog will never live. He will be snatched up to<br />
<strong>the</strong> bright skies <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> a chariot, that is what will happen to him.”<br />
But, when I had paid for about a dozen chickens that he<br />
had killed; and had dragged him, growl<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g and kick<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g, by <strong>the</strong><br />
scruff of his neck, out of a hundred and fourteen street fights;<br />
and had had a dead cat brought round for my <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>specti<strong>on</strong> by an<br />
irate female, who called me a murderer; and had been summ<strong>on</strong>ed<br />
by <strong>the</strong> man next door but <strong>on</strong>e for hav<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g a ferocious<br />
dog at large, that had kept him p<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ned up <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> his own tool-shed,<br />
afraid to venture his nose outside <strong>the</strong> door for over two hours<br />
<strong>on</strong> a cold night; and had learned that <strong>the</strong> gardener, unknown<br />
to myself, had w<strong>on</strong> thirty shill<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>gs by back<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g him to kill rats<br />
aga<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>st time, <strong>the</strong>n I began to th<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>k that maybe <strong>the</strong>y’d let him<br />
rema<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> earth for a bit l<strong>on</strong>ger, after all.<br />
To hang about a stable, and collect a gang of <strong>the</strong> most disreputable<br />
dogs to be found <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>the</strong> town, and lead <strong>the</strong>m out to<br />
march round <strong>the</strong> slums to fight o<strong>the</strong>r disreputable dogs, is<br />
M<strong>on</strong>tmorency’s idea of “life;” and so, as I before observed, he<br />
gave to <strong>the</strong> suggesti<strong>on</strong> of <str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>ns, and pubs., and hotels his most<br />
emphatic approbati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
Hav<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g thus settled <strong>the</strong> sleep<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g arrangements to <strong>the</strong> satisfacti<strong>on</strong><br />
of all four of us, <strong>the</strong> <strong>on</strong>ly th<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g left to discuss was what<br />
we should take with us; and this we had begun to argue, when<br />
Harris said he’d had enough oratory for <strong>on</strong>e night, and proposed<br />
that we should go out and have a smile, say<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g that he<br />
had found a place, round by <strong>the</strong> square, where you could really<br />
get a drop of Irish worth dr<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>k<str<strong>on</strong>g>in</str<strong>on</strong>g>g.<br />
George said he felt thirsty (I never knew George when he<br />
didn’t); and, as I had a presentiment that a little whisky, warm,