Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 188 — round three times, and carries you up stream aga<strong>in</strong>, and always ends by try<strong>in</strong>g to smash you up aga<strong>in</strong>st a college barge. Of course, as a consequence of this, we got <strong>in</strong> the way of a good many other boats, dur<strong>in</strong>g the mile, and they <strong>in</strong> ours, and, of course, as a consequence of that, a good deal of bad language occurred. I don’t know why it should be, but everybody is always so exceptionally irritable on the river. Little mishaps, that you would hardly notice on dry land, drive you nearly frantic with rage, when they occur on the water. When Harris or George makes an ass of himself on dry land, I smile <strong>in</strong>dulgently; when they behave <strong>in</strong> a chuckle-head way on the river, I use the most blood-curdl<strong>in</strong>g language to them. When another boat gets <strong>in</strong> my way, I feel I want to take an oar and kill all the people <strong>in</strong> it. The mildest tempered people, when on land, become violent and blood-thirsty when <strong>in</strong> a boat. I did a little boat<strong>in</strong>g once with a young lady. She was naturally of the sweetest and gentlest disposition imag<strong>in</strong>able, but on the river it was quite awful to hear her. “Oh, drat the man!” she would exclaim, when some unfortunate sculler would get <strong>in</strong> her way; “why don’t he look where he’s go<strong>in</strong>g?” And, “Oh, bother the silly old th<strong>in</strong>g!” she would say <strong>in</strong>dignantly, when the sail would not go up properly. And she would catch hold of it, and shake it quite brutally. Yet, as I have said, when on shore she was k<strong>in</strong>d-hearted and amiable enough. The air of the river has a demoralis<strong>in</strong>g effect upon one’s temper, and this it is, I suppose, which causes even barge men to be sometimes rude to one another, and to use language which, no doubt, <strong>in</strong> their calmer moments they regret.
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford. — Montmorency’s idea of Heaven. — The hired up-river boat, its beauties and advantages. — The “Pride of the Thames.” — The weather changes. — The river under different aspects. — Not a cheerful even<strong>in</strong>g. — Yearn<strong>in</strong>gs for the unatta<strong>in</strong>able. — The cheery chat goes round. — George performs upon the banjo. — A mournful melody. — Another wet day. — Flight. — A little supper and a toast. WE spent two very pleasant days at Oxford. There are plenty of dogs <strong>in</strong> the town of Oxford. Montmorency had eleven fights on the first day, and fourteen on the second, and evidently thought he had got to heaven. Among folk too constitutionally weak, or too constitutionally lazy, whichever it may be, to relish up-stream work, it is a common practice to get a boat at Oxford, and row down. For the energetic, however, the up-stream journey is certa<strong>in</strong>ly to be preferred. It does not seem good to be always go<strong>in</strong>g with the current. There is more satisfaction <strong>in</strong> squar<strong>in</strong>g one’s back, and fight<strong>in</strong>g aga<strong>in</strong>st it, and w<strong>in</strong>n<strong>in</strong>g one’s way forward <strong>in</strong> spite of it — at least, so I feel, when Harris and George are scull<strong>in</strong>g and I am steer<strong>in</strong>g. To those who do contemplate mak<strong>in</strong>g Oxford their start<strong>in</strong>g-place, I would say, take your own boat — unless, of course, you can take someone else’s without any possible danger of be<strong>in</strong>g found out. The boats that, as a rule, are let for hire on the Thames above Marlow, are very good boats. They are fairly water-tight; and so long as they are handled with care, they rarely come to pieces, or s<strong>in</strong>k. There are places <strong>in</strong> them to sit down on, and they are complete with all the necessary arrangements — or nearly all — to enable you to row them and steer them. But they are not ornamental. The boat you hire up the river above Marlow is not the sort of boat <strong>in</strong> which you can flash about and give yourself airs. The hired up-river boat very soon puts a stop to any nonsense of that sort on the part of
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
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— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
Page 137 and 138: — 137 — of mutton from the hote
Page 139 and 140: — 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142: — 141 — We tried river water on
Page 143 and 144: — 143 — scendin</strong
Page 145 and 146: — 145 — river, bein</st
Page 147 and 148: — 147 — which he evidently wish
Page 149 and 150: — 149 — ing?
Page 151 and 152: — 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154: — 153 — We could not pass the w
Page 155 and 156: — 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
Page 157 and 158: — 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160: — 159 — “No — no; don’t e
Page 161 and 162: — 161 — prompt and graceful met
Page 163 and 164: — 163 — crowded with nobility a
Page 165 and 166: — 165 — spare pole with us. I c
Page 167 and 168: — 167 — from behin</str
Page 169 and 170: — 169 — adoptin</strong
Page 171 and 172: — 171 — be contin</stro
Page 173 and 174: — 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176: — 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178: — 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180: — 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182: — 181 — He said that br
Page 183 and 184: — 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186: — 185 — There was a good deal o
Page 187: — 187 — and in
Page 191 and 192: — 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194: — 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196: — 195 — pression, unable to bea
Page 197 and 198: — 197 — lookin
Page 199: THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203: — 202 — George would make. A ba
Page 204 and 205: — 204 — and false-hearted enoug
Page 206 and 207: — 206 — to agree with him, —
Page 208 and 209: — 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211: — 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213: — 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215: — 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217: — 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219: — 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221: — 220 — “She’s goin
Page 222 and 223: — 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225: — 224 — In this way he sped mer
Page 226 and 227: — 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229: — 228 — every fool has thought
Page 230 and 231: — 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233: — 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235: — 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237: — 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
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— 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241:
— 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
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— 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
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— 246 — socks, it comes at you
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— 248 — and reflectin</
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— 250 — He would open his bag t
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— 252 — Taking
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— 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257:
— 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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— 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261:
— 260 — We gave them hi
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— 262 — concernin</stro
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— 264 — route between London an
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— 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269:
— 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271:
— 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273:
— 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275:
— 274 — is not our way, and the
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— 276 — regards him as an anima
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— 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281:
— 280 — among them proceeded to
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— 282 — sleigh — do not pract
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— 284 — he turned his attention
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— 286 — in pub
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— 288 — and bench at which he c
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— 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
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— 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295:
— 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297:
— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
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— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
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— 304 — only remember that <str
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— 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309:
— 308 — George and I followed s
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— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
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— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315:
— 314 — (George says he did not
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— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
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— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
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— 330 — contin
Page 332 and 333:
— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
Page 338 and 339:
— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
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— 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
Page 364 and 365:
— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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