Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 244 — Harris’s new wheel. Even Mrs. Harris, however, did not blame George on this occasion; she felt <strong>in</strong>tuitively the idea could not have been entirely his. It is not that the Harris children have the fa<strong>in</strong>test notion of avoid<strong>in</strong>g blame at the expense of a friend and comrade. One and all they are honesty itself <strong>in</strong> accept<strong>in</strong>g responsibility for their own misdeeds. It simply is, that is how the th<strong>in</strong>g presents itself to their understand<strong>in</strong>g. When you expla<strong>in</strong> to them that you had no orig<strong>in</strong>al <strong>in</strong>tention of gett<strong>in</strong>g up at five o’clock <strong>in</strong> the morn<strong>in</strong>g to play cricket on the croquet lawn, or to mimic the history of the early Church by shoot<strong>in</strong>g with a cross-bow at dolls tied to a tree; that as a matter of fact, left to your own <strong>in</strong>itiative, you would have slept peacefully till roused <strong>in</strong> Christian fashion with a cup of tea at eight, they are firstly astonished, secondly apologetic, and thirdly s<strong>in</strong>cerely contrite. In the present <strong>in</strong>stance, waiv<strong>in</strong>g the purely academic question whether the awaken<strong>in</strong>g of George at a little before five was due to natural <strong>in</strong>st<strong>in</strong>ct on his part, or to the accidental pass<strong>in</strong>g of a home-made boomerang through his bedroom w<strong>in</strong>dow, the dear children frankly admitted that the blame for his upris<strong>in</strong>g was their own. As the eldest boy said: “We ought to have remembered that Uncle George had a long day, before him, and we ought to have dissuaded him from gett<strong>in</strong>g up. I blame myself entirely.” But an occasional change of habit does nobody any harm; and besides, as Harris and I agreed, it was good tra<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g for George. In the Black Forest we should be up at five every morn<strong>in</strong>g; that we had determ<strong>in</strong>ed on. Indeed, George himself had suggested half-past four, but Harris and I had argued that five would be early enough as an average; that would enable us to be on our mach<strong>in</strong>es by six, and to break the back of our journey before the heat of the day set <strong>in</strong>. Occasionally we might start a little earlier, but not as a habit. I myself was up that morn<strong>in</strong>g at five. This was earlier than I had <strong>in</strong>tended. I had said to myself on go<strong>in</strong>g to sleep, “Six o’clock, sharp!”
— 245 — There are men I know who can wake themselves at any time to the m<strong>in</strong>ute. They say to themselves literally, as they lay their heads upon the pillow, “Four-thirty,” “Four-forty-five,” or “Five-fifteen,” as the case may be; and as the clock strikes they open their eyes. It is very wonderful this; the more one dwells upon it, the greater the mystery grows. Some Ego with<strong>in</strong> us, act<strong>in</strong>g quite <strong>in</strong>dependently of our conscious self, must be capable of count<strong>in</strong>g the hours while we sleep. Unaided by clock or sun, or any other medium known to our five senses, it keeps watch through the darkness. At the exact moment it whispers “Time!” and we awake. The work of an old riverside fellow I once talked with called him to be out of bed each morn<strong>in</strong>g half an hour before high tide. He told me that never once had he overslept himself by a m<strong>in</strong>ute. Latterly, he never even troubled to work out the tide for himself. He would lie down tired, and sleep a dreamless sleep, and each morn<strong>in</strong>g at a different hour this ghostly watchman, true as the tide itself, would silently call him. Did the man’s spirit haunt through the darkness the muddy river stairs; or had it knowledge of the ways of Nature? Whatever the process, the man himself was unconscious of it. In my own case my <strong>in</strong>ward watchman is, perhaps, somewhat out of practice. He does his best; but he is over-anxious; he worries himself, and loses count. I say to him, maybe, “Fivethirty, please;” and he wakes me with a start at half-past two. I look at my watch. He suggests that, perhaps, I forgot to w<strong>in</strong>d it up. I put it to my ear; it is still go<strong>in</strong>g. He th<strong>in</strong>ks, maybe, someth<strong>in</strong>g has happened to it; he is confident himself it is half-past five, if not a little later. To satisfy him, I put on a pair of slippers and go downstairs to <strong>in</strong>spect the d<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g-room clock. What happens to a man when he wanders about the house <strong>in</strong> the middle of the night, clad <strong>in</strong> a dress<strong>in</strong>g-gown and a pair of slippers, there is no need to recount; most men know by experience. Everyth<strong>in</strong>g — especially everyth<strong>in</strong>g with a sharp corner — takes a cowardly delight <strong>in</strong> hitt<strong>in</strong>g him. When you are wear<strong>in</strong>g a pair of stout boots, th<strong>in</strong>gs get out of your way; when you venture among furniture <strong>in</strong> woolwork slippers and no
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
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— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
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— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
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— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
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— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
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— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
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— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
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— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
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— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
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— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
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— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
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— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
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— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
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— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194: — 193 — George took the fun mor
Page 195 and 196: — 195 — pression, unable to bea
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Page 199: THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
Page 202 and 203: — 202 — George would make. A ba
Page 204 and 205: — 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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Page 208 and 209: — 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
Page 210 and 211: — 210 — you might call it dull.
Page 212 and 213: — 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215: — 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217: — 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219: — 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221: — 220 — “She’s goin
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Page 224 and 225: — 224 — In this way he sped mer
Page 226 and 227: — 226 — on? Very well, put it d
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Page 232 and 233: — 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235: — 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237: — 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239: — 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241: — 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243: — 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
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Page 248 and 249: — 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251: — 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253: — 252 — Taking
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Page 256 and 257: — 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
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Page 260 and 261: — 260 — We gave them hi
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Page 264 and 265: — 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 278 and 279: — 278 — utes water a stretch of
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
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Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
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— 294 — “‘I have said it th
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— 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
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— 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301:
— 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
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— 302 — his mouth, and tear his
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— 304 — only remember that <str
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— 306 — He stood there with his
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— 308 — George and I followed s
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— 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
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— 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
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— 314 — (George says he did not
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— 316 — horse was tired, and th
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— 318 — to do, but must not: he
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— 320 — He ignored my offer. He
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— 322 — could speak English and
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— 324 — lice could not do bette
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— 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
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— 330 — contin
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— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
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— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
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— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
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— 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
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— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
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— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
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— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
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— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
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— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
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— 386 — Possibly, he will have
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— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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