Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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— 278 — utes water a stretch of road that would take us with our clumsy lumber<strong>in</strong>g cart half an hour to cover.” George, who was rid<strong>in</strong>g beh<strong>in</strong>d me on the tandem, said, “Yes, and it is also a method by which with a little carelessness a man could cover a good many people <strong>in</strong> a good deal less time than they could get out of the way.” George, the opposite to Harris, is British to the core. I remember George quite patriotically <strong>in</strong>dignant with Harris once for suggest<strong>in</strong>g the <strong>in</strong>troduction of the guillot<strong>in</strong>e <strong>in</strong>to England. “It is so much neater,” said Harris. “I don’t care if it is,” said George; “I’m an Englishman; hang<strong>in</strong>g is good enough for me.” “Our water-cart may have its disadvantages,” cont<strong>in</strong>ued George, “but it can only make you uncomfortable about the legs, and you can avoid it. This is the sort of mach<strong>in</strong>e with which a man can follow you round the corner and upstairs.” “It fasc<strong>in</strong>ates me to watch them,” said Harris. “They are so skilful. I have seen a man from the corner of a crowded square <strong>in</strong> Strassburg cover every <strong>in</strong>ch of ground, and not so much as wet an apron str<strong>in</strong>g. It is marvellous how they judge their distance. They will send the water up to your toes, and then br<strong>in</strong>g it over your head so that it falls around your heels. They can —” “Ease up a m<strong>in</strong>ute,” said George. I said: “Why?” He said: “I am go<strong>in</strong>g to get off and watch the rest of this show from beh<strong>in</strong>d a tree. There may be great performers <strong>in</strong> this l<strong>in</strong>e, as Harris says; this particular artist appears to me to lack someth<strong>in</strong>g. He has just soused a dog, and now he’s busy water<strong>in</strong>g a sign-post. I am go<strong>in</strong>g to wait till he has f<strong>in</strong>ished.” “Nonsense,” said Harris; “he won’t wet you.” “That is precisely what I am go<strong>in</strong>g to make sure of,” answered George, say<strong>in</strong>g which he jumped off, and, tak<strong>in</strong>g up a position beh<strong>in</strong>d a remarkably f<strong>in</strong>e elm, pulled out and commenced fill<strong>in</strong>g his pipe. I did not care to take the tandem on by myself, so I stepped off and jo<strong>in</strong>ed him, leav<strong>in</strong>g the mach<strong>in</strong>e aga<strong>in</strong>st a tree. Harris
— 279 — shouted someth<strong>in</strong>g or other about our be<strong>in</strong>g a disgrace to the land that gave us birth, and rode on. The next moment I heard a woman’s cry of distress. Glanc<strong>in</strong>g round the stem of the tree, I perceived that it proceeded from the young and elegant lady before mentioned, whom, <strong>in</strong> our <strong>in</strong>terest concern<strong>in</strong>g the road-waterer, we had forgotten. She was rid<strong>in</strong>g her mach<strong>in</strong>e steadily and straightly through a drench<strong>in</strong>g shower of water from the hose. She appeared to be too paralysed either to get off or turn her wheel aside. Every <strong>in</strong>stant she was becom<strong>in</strong>g wetter, while the man with the hose, who was either drunk or bl<strong>in</strong>d, cont<strong>in</strong>ued to pour water upon her with utter <strong>in</strong>difference. A dozen voices yelled imprecations upon him, but he took no heed whatever. Harris, his fatherly nature stirred to its depths, did at this po<strong>in</strong>t what, under the circumstances, was quite the right and proper th<strong>in</strong>g to do. Had he acted throughout with the same coolness and judgment he then displayed, he would have emerged from that <strong>in</strong>cident the hero of the hour, <strong>in</strong>stead of, as happened, rid<strong>in</strong>g away followed by <strong>in</strong>sult and threat. Without a moment’s hesitation he spurted at the man, sprang to the ground, and, seiz<strong>in</strong>g the hose by the nozzle, attempted to wrest it away. What he ought to have done, what any man reta<strong>in</strong><strong>in</strong>g his common sense would have done the moment he got his hands upon the th<strong>in</strong>g, was to turn off the tap. Then he might have played foot-ball with the man, or battledore and shuttlecock as he pleased; and the twenty or thirty people who had rushed forward to assist would have only applauded. His idea, however, as he expla<strong>in</strong>ed to us afterwards, was to take away the hose from the man, and, for punishment, turn it upon the fool himself. The waterman’s idea appeared to be the same, namely, to reta<strong>in</strong> the hose as a weapon with which to soak Harris. Of course, the result was that, between them, they soused every dead and liv<strong>in</strong>g th<strong>in</strong>g with<strong>in</strong> fifty yards, except themselves. One furious man, too drenched to care what more happened to him, leapt <strong>in</strong>to the arena and also took a hand. The three
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Jerome K. Jerome Three</str
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PUBLISHER’S ADVERTISEMENT. IT may
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dle. Bad art may succeed for a time
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CHAPTER I. Three I
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— 11 — It had stopped beat<stro
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— 13 — make me feel more anxiou
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— 15 — I am told; and was event
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— 17 — boat-loads of them; but
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— 19 — CHAPTER II. Plans discus
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— 21 — deep below the wav<stron
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— 23 — comes, however, and all
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— 25 — with a slice of lemon, w
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— 27 — And then he would lift u
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— 29 — blow, the nail would go
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— 31 — whether you have ever se
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— 33 — position or in</
Page 35 and 36:
— 35 — At the end of that trip
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— 37 — little thin</str
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— 39 — rid of them. He threw th
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— 41 — “Ain
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— 43 — “Stand still, can’t
Page 45 and 46:
— 45 — CHAPTER V. Mrs. P. arous
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— 47 — fatalities, and the weat
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— 49 — longed spell of grand we
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— 51 — that Biggs’s boy (for
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— 53 — should all know when we
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— 55 — had two of Scotch cold h
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— 57 — be that of the average h
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— 59 — only the dug-up commonpl
Page 61 and 62:
— 61 — Harris, however, said he
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— 63 — on until, at last, they
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— 65 — CHAPTER VII. The river <
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— 67 — worn in
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— 69 — down on your — I mean
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— 71 — about, makin</st
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— 73 — of the river, and was ev
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— 75 — by slouchin</str
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— 77 — then try and make it up
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— 79 — GENERAL CHORUS: ‘And h
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— 81 — and, as the two young me
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— 83 — of five min</str
Page 85 and 86:
— 85 — Montmorency set up a fur
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— 87 — not. There may be tow-l<
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— 89 — or his hat has dropped <
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— 91 — did it, and the boat rus
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— 93 — twenty min</stro
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— 95 — tion; and then we both w
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— 97 — CHAPTER X. Our first nig
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— 99 — at Harris, began to stru
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— 101 — and deep, and tender; s
Page 103 and 104:
— 103 — “What’s the matter,
Page 105 and 106:
— 105 — Sometimes, our pa<stron
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— 107 — CHAPTER XI. How George,
Page 109 and 110:
— 109 — George listened, and a
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— 111 — ing ba
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— 113 — the eggs that had not s
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— 115 — and there false John’
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— 117 — it been a Richard there
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— 119 — drawin
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— 121 — King
Page 123 and 124:
— 123 — But Harris, who is an o
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— 125 — joy that he fai
Page 127 and 128:
— 127 — It was George’s straw
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— 129 — three fishermen sat; an
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— 131 — CHAPTER XIII. Marlow.
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— 133 — around them — the sof
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— 135 — among themselves, and f
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— 137 — of mutton from the hote
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— 139 — and George would sit do
Page 141 and 142:
— 141 — We tried river water on
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— 143 — scendin</strong
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— 145 — river, bein</st
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— 147 — which he evidently wish
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— 149 — ing?
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— 151 — get more and more piano
Page 153 and 154:
— 153 — We could not pass the w
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— 155 — by “whisky,” or wha
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— 157 — in my
Page 159 and 160:
— 159 — “No — no; don’t e
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— 161 — prompt and graceful met
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— 163 — crowded with nobility a
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— 165 — spare pole with us. I c
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— 167 — from behin</str
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— 169 — adoptin</strong
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— 171 — be contin</stro
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— 173 — its dusky robe upon the
Page 175 and 176:
— 175 — The Angler’s Guide to
Page 177 and 178:
— 177 — “Oh, no; not now, sir
Page 179 and 180:
— 179 — “Ah!” said the old
Page 181 and 182:
— 181 — He said that br
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— 183 — common practice up the
Page 185 and 186:
— 185 — There was a good deal o
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— 187 — and in
Page 189 and 190:
— 189 — CHAPTER XIX. Oxford.
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— 191 — not to be afraid, but t
Page 193 and 194:
— 193 — George took the fun mor
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— 195 — pression, unable to bea
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— 197 — lookin
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
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— 202 — George would make. A ba
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— 204 — and false-hearted enoug
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— 206 — to agree with him, —
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— 208 — with Ethelbertha by my
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— 210 — you might call it dull.
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— 212 — had the satisfaction of
Page 214 and 215:
— 214 — CHAPTER II A delicate b
Page 216 and 217:
— 216 — I wonder sometimes whet
Page 218 and 219:
— 218 — Do you thin</st
Page 220 and 221:
— 220 — “She’s goin
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— 222 — not goin</stron
Page 224 and 225:
— 224 — In this way he sped mer
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— 226 — on? Very well, put it d
Page 228 and 229: — 228 — every fool has thought
Page 230 and 231: — 230 — rut it nipped you; it w
Page 232 and 233: — 232 — where, and out rolled a
Page 234 and 235: — 234 — It was the first th<str
Page 236 and 237: — 236 — isn’t; it’s a quest
Page 238 and 239: — 238 — lers. It commenced “O
Page 240 and 241: — 240 — CHAPTER IV Why Harris c
Page 242 and 243: — 242 — “Oh!” it says, “w
Page 244 and 245: — 244 — Harris’s new wheel. E
Page 246 and 247: — 246 — socks, it comes at you
Page 248 and 249: — 248 — and reflectin</
Page 250 and 251: — 250 — He would open his bag t
Page 252 and 253: — 252 — Taking
Page 254 and 255: — 254 — chose the very best sen
Page 256 and 257: — 256 — CHAPTER V A necessary d
Page 258 and 259: — 258 — wish here conscientious
Page 260 and 261: — 260 — We gave them hi
Page 262 and 263: — 262 — concernin</stro
Page 264 and 265: — 264 — route between London an
Page 266 and 267: — 266 — the camera for us, have
Page 268 and 269: — 268 — “Because the sun coul
Page 270 and 271: — 270 — I have dwelt upon this
Page 272 and 273: — 272 — “I am glad of that. A
Page 274 and 275: — 274 — is not our way, and the
Page 276 and 277: — 276 — regards him as an anima
Page 280 and 281: — 280 — among them proceeded to
Page 282 and 283: — 282 — sleigh — do not pract
Page 284 and 285: — 284 — he turned his attention
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Page 288 and 289: — 288 — and bench at which he c
Page 290 and 291: — 290 — The chief scandal of Dr
Page 292 and 293: — 292 — some cushions for sale.
Page 294 and 295: — 294 — “‘I have said it th
Page 296 and 297: — 296 — CHAPTER VIII Mr. and Mi
Page 298 and 299: — 298 — else in</strong
Page 300 and 301: — 300 — Brahe, the astronomer,
Page 302 and 303: — 302 — his mouth, and tear his
Page 304 and 305: — 304 — only remember that <str
Page 306 and 307: — 306 — He stood there with his
Page 308 and 309: — 308 — George and I followed s
Page 310 and 311: — 310 — CHAPTER IX Harris break
Page 312 and 313: — 312 — “Whose is it?” he a
Page 314 and 315: — 314 — (George says he did not
Page 316 and 317: — 316 — horse was tired, and th
Page 318 and 319: — 318 — to do, but must not: he
Page 320 and 321: — 320 — He ignored my offer. He
Page 322 and 323: — 322 — could speak English and
Page 324 and 325: — 324 — lice could not do bette
Page 326 and 327: — 326 — CHAPTER X Baden from th
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— 328 — But at four o’clock <
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— 330 — contin
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— 332 — And the sun is always s
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— 334 — idleness! How would you
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— 336 — way? It’s disgraceful
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— 338 — CHAPTER XI Black Forest
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— 340 — stables, and wake up a
Page 342 and 343:
— 342 — “Don’t you th<stron
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— 344 — upon it was due north o
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— 346 — had origin</str
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— 348 — unadorned truth, when I
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— 350 — favoured in</st
Page 352 and 353:
— 352 — At a quarter to one, sa
Page 354 and 355:
— 354 — of those fools that wil
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— 356 — was wasted. One felt so
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— 358 — drown him, but he never
Page 360 and 361:
— 360 — “we had better make t
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— 362 — him comfortable. At sup
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— 364 — By spendin</str
Page 366 and 367:
— 366 — Cockneys — but the pi
Page 368 and 369:
— 368 — In the centre, fac<stro
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— 370 — ment of the head or bod
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— 372 — drink<
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— 374 — his guest gets safely h
Page 376 and 377:
— 376 — “It will be i
Page 378 and 379:
— 378 — She pushed open the doo
Page 380 and 381:
— 380 — CHAPTER XIV Which is se
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— 382 — in Ger
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— 384 — who will go anywhere, a
Page 386 and 387:
— 386 — Possibly, he will have
Page 388 and 389:
— 388 — “Why not?” she aske
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— 390 — a girl, she never under
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INHALT THREE MEN IN A BOAT . . . .
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Three Men in a Boat / Three Men on the Bummel

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