cecilia-ahern-love-rosie

152 Cecelia Aherncouldn’t face doing it all by myself again. I just kept imagining me and Katiealone again and I couldn’t take it. Now I’m beginning to question my decision.Should I stay with him and learn to love him again, or should I leaveand learn to survive on my own, to be independent? I just don’t think I canface another tiny flat and one crappy wage for myself and Katie to survive on.But if I could just forgive him. If I could just erase the image of hislips kissing someone else’s every time he talks to me. Every time hetouches me my skin crawls and I feel so much hate for him it’s unnerving.It’s hard for my wounds to be healed by the very same man who put themthere.And he’s so bloody gung-ho about everything. He’s Mr. Enthusiasticabout going to see a counselor together and he takes a few hours out of hisday to talk to me, really talk to me. It’s all just such a textbook solution of“How to please your wife after shagging another woman.” First you makean appointment to see the counselor, making sure to make a song and adance about the fact you’re canceling important meetings to go, then cookthe dinner every day and fill the dishwasher, ask your wife a million times aday if she is OK and if there’s anything you can do for her, do the weeklyshopping remembering to include thoughtful little gifts like her favoritechocolate cake or a book that you think she might like, spend a few hoursduring the day to sit in silence with your wife doing a summary of your dayand then discussing in detail how you feel your relationship is going. Do thisfive hundred times a day, add water, and then stir.And the thing is, the Greg I married would never do all of those things.He would never bother replacing the empty toilet roll with the new one; hewould never wash all the food off his plate before putting it in the dishwasher.Everything has changed. Even the small daily routines that make lifeso comfortable have changed.If I could find the strength in me to leave him I would, but I’m stuck inthis noncommittal limbo. I just want to make the right decision right now. Idon’t want to be a bitter old woman in forty years time, still making snidecomments to Greg about what he’s done. In order to make this marriagework I need to know in advance that I can if not forget, then at least forgive.