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Intermission
The arrival of the main course is the best time to call a truce
and let the man breath. Therefore, Cali prepares to dig into the
Mahi-mahi dish that she would have never ordered, and calls a
mental timeout. At this point in the date, it’s not about Cali
eating, telling Stephen how good his dish looks, or
complaining to the waiter about something being wrong.
That’s all surface level bullshit interaction. The real goal of
this timeout is to ask, “Do I still like him.” That question is
something that many women are afraid to ask, but Cali can’t
afford to waste her time trying to make a man fit because he
looks good. The first half of the date, from the restaurant
selection to the way he answered those random questions, left
an initial impression. Answering the “Where did you go
wrong,” inquiry solidified her views.
Let’s go back and see how it played out: Where did you
go wrong in your last relationship? Stephen opened up about
his past, admitting that he didn’t always make as much time as
he should have with his ex-girlfriend because the transition
from junior to lead account manager was stressful. It wasn’t so
much his job, but his own obsession to do good that caused
him to shut her out. Stephen didn’t blame his ex for being too
needy, he took the bullet and confessed that he has to work on
letting people in even when he’s stressed and stop trying to
carry it all inside. That was Stephen’s “weakness” answer,
which was an honest response that wasn’t rehearsed because
he was not expecting a question about his own flaws. When
women talk about dating requiring too much “energy” it’s
because most of them pour themselves into every man 100%.
Cali hasn’t given Stephen anything but flirty texts, a cute
phone call, playful icebreaking, and a series of questions.
Unlike typical women, Cali hasn’t over shared. There has been
very little emotional energy spent in terms of conversation and
digging into her own life and views. Stephen, on the other
hand, has been forced to open up and exert real energy. Men
aren’t used to dating like this, they are used to nodding and
joking. Cali isn’t in the habit of allowing a man to be
emotionally unavailable; thus, she cracked him open thirty
minutes into the date.