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Reframe Your Past
Who are you? Right now, you’re a typical human being. Just
another person whose concepts, morals, and habits were
influenced by things experienced during childhood. You are
the product of other people’s molding, either directly or
indirectly. While you believe that you are a unique individual,
your mind, your thought process, your “character” is an
imitation of others. Your mother, your father, your aunt, your
grandmother, your high school bestie, your college sister, or
whoever it is that you’ve been close to at one time or another.
Children learn by imitating others. By the time you’re an adult
you’ve become an amalgam, and contrary to what your ego
says, there are few things that are explicitly you. In short, your
past created your current world, thus, the past is the first thing
that must be tackled because it’s really the only thing holding
you back. 90% of the women whom I’ve given advice to start
in the present, then once I get them to open up, they slide
backward to reveal that it isn’t the current man or the current
situation that’s casting doubt or creating anxiety, but their
upbringing. You can’t change your past, but you can reframe it
in a way where it no longer affects your day to day attitude,
outlook, or decisions.
Let’s go to the example I call “C+ Karen’s Story.” This
woman, I’ll call her Karen, shared a story that when she was
younger, she noticed that her father would burst with
excitement when her sister would come home from elementary
school with good grades. Her father treated them the same
generally, but at that moment, Karen felt like her Dad prized
her sister because she was “the smart one.” Her dad never
verbalized this, but Karen saw the pride dripping off him, and
it made her envious. At this moment, Karen developed an
insecurity that would define her relationships for years to
come; a consuming lust for a man’s approval. How did Karen,
a mediocre student, solve this issue of her father showing
favoritism to her sister? She took a marker and started to
change the grades on her papers to A’s. It worked! The first
time Karen did this, her father embraced her the same way he
had her sister…but it wasn’t the same internally. Little Karen
knew that she only achieved her father’s love by cheating