Annals of our ancestors; one hundred and fifty years of history in the ...

304
ANNALS OF OUR ANCESTORS
before him. His frightened "WhufF-f!" smote the air as he
struck off for the pathless forest, never more to be seen in that
vicinity.
"Some Big Wor-rds"
A farmer had an Irish work hand on his place who soUcited
his assistance in writing to the old country. The farmer asked
him what he should write. He replied, "Write most anything,
but be shure to put in some big wor-rds like Con-stan-ti-nople!"
The Prospect of Going to War
New Jersey was one of the stamping-grounds of the Revolu-
tion. The invasion had not yet reached southern New Jersey
when a citizen of that part heard of the landing of British
troops at a northern port of his colony. He felt very brave and
warlike, and marched forth with his matchlock, which he fired
into empty space, roaring at the same time, "Take that! That's
the way I'll fix you fellers when you come down here!" As
news of the progress southward of the British came, the
courage of the patriotic citizen began to fizzle, and as their
approach was imminent he got "cold feet" and rushed off to
the Quakers to apply for membership in their society, so well
known for their refusal to go to war from principle.
The Quaker elder interrogated him as to his fitness to become
a member of their peaceful association, and finally said:
"We heard thee shot at the British," which proved to be a
stumper to the candidate, who stammered out, "I no hurt
anybody."
An Allegory
I was plowing for Haudie Bennett, and next me was a
strip of recently burnt prairie where I spied a lonesome prairie
hen standing with her head erect and evidently expecting company.
Soon along came a prairie rooster sailing through the
air with outspread wings and lit down beside her. He began
demonstrating the beauty of his feathers. He strutted and
crowed and cooed, showing her what a fine boy he was. He did
his best, with fine circumlocution, while the prairie hen stood
demurely there pretending not to see him, taking no notice of