Daily Life of the Ancient Greeks

The People 73
Arranged marriages were the norm in Greek society, though a
mature suitor would negotiate on his own behalf with his future
bride’s parents. In the following passage, a fictional character called
Ischomachos, invented by Xenophon, who is intended to be typical
of many upper-crust Athenians, informs his wife how he came to
choose her as his bride:
Have you ever wondered why it was that I married you and why your
parents gave you to me? It wasn’t just because I wanted someone beside
me in bed at night. You realize that, don’t you? What happened was as
follows. Your parents were looking for a suitable son-in-law and I was
looking for a suitable wife. I chose you and they, from among a number of
possibilities, chose me. (Household Management 7.10–11)
Evidently, his wife’s wishes did not figure in the negotiations.
Regrettably, Xenophon does not describe how she reacted on
learning of her husband’s passionless courtship of her parents.
Although Ischomachos was able to exercise independence in the
choice of his bride, younger men were required to follow their
fathers’ wishes.
Such evidence as we possess suggests that wealth and status,
rather than emotional attachment, were the principal criteria for
choosing a wife. Mercenary and cynical though this system may
seem, we need to bear in mind that there were few opportunities
for the creation of wealth in ancient Greece. A marriage alliance
was therefore an opportunity both to produce offspring and to
increase the family’s finances. A girl would almost invariably have
been provided with a dowry, because, without one, she risked ending
her forlorn life “unwed and barren” (Sophokles, Oedipus the
King, line 1502). The marriage was therefore preceded by a formal
agreement (enguê, literally “pledge”), consequent upon both
parties having negotiated the dowry. Dowries, which generally
consisted of both money and valuables, varied greatly in size. The
aristocratic politician Alkibiades received the huge sum of 10 talents
when he married the sister of Kallias, one of the wealthiest
men of his day. Because the function of the dowry was to provide
maintenance for the wife, legal restraints were imposed upon its
use. In the event of divorce, for instance, the husband was required
to return it intact either to his wife’s father or to her legal guardian.
If he was unable to repay the entire sum, he was required to pay
interest on it. The wife’s personal possessions were also returned
to her family. The orator Isaios informs us that, when Menekles