Small Talk

prevent pregnant pauses with preparation . 91
THE NONVERBAL PART
OF THE CONVERSATION
One of my favorite exercises when teaching Small
Talk seminars illustrates the point beautifully. I get ten
to twelve people in a circle and arbitrarily hand one of
them a ball of yarn. That person must hold on to the end
of the yarn, disclose something about herself, and toss
the ball of yarn to someone else in the group. The recipient
must ask a question of the thrower about what she
said. The recipient must then tell something about himself,
hold on to the string, and toss the ball of yarn to the
next person. This continues until every person has had
the ball.
I love this exercise because the participants discover
several things. First, since they don’t know when they’ll
receive the ball, they truly listen to what everyone else
says. Paying attention is the only way they’ll be able to
ask an intelligent question. Second, they learn to focus
on asking appropriate, related questions or making appropriate,
related verbal cues. Asking appropriate questions and
making appropriate comments is one of the easiest ways
to keep the conversation chugging seamlessly along.
Last, they pay attention to body language, because the