Small Talk

surviving the singles scene . 175
for dinner on the first date. It seems less threatening—
both to me and to him—to suggest something more casual.”
My friend Bob offers this advice: “Have some date
ideas in mind before you pick up the phone. I will call a
woman and say something like, ‘There’s a wine tasting at
Hudson Gardens on Thursday night. I was thinking we
could go to that early in the evening and then maybe
take a walk along the river. Or we could get some dinner
somewhere near the gardens.’ ” Note that he doesn’t call
the person he’s interested in and say What are you doing
Saturday night?, which would offer her the perfect opportunity
to answer, Washing my hair. Invitations like Would
you like to get together sometime? are too vague. Be specific
in order to receive a direct answer.
Bob’s approach is to offer his potential date something
specific for them to do together and, by the way,
something that sounds like fun. At least for the first few
dates, try to think of ideas that would appeal to your date
rather than choosing something you’d like to do. Don’t
think that just because you like to go to the races, she
will, too, although many more women are into sports
than they were, say, twenty years ago. And women, don’t
assume that any man likes to go shopping. I personally